Thinking Of You

Dream A Little Dream of Me

   ''I'm Gerard, your new roomate.'' I paled and gently shook his hand. It was the boy from my dream. He was real...and he was my new room mate... 

''Brooke....Brooke Cassidy.'' I shake is hand, keeping my eyes locked with his. Those gorgeous hazel eyes staring back into mine made me want to scream. I don't want him to be real. He needs to be fake. He can't be real, but he is.

He lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through his black hair. ''So, casual rehab talk would consist of me asking whatyou're in for, but I don't want to upset you.'' 

''You wouldn't be upsetting me at all.'' I say with a small smile. WHY ARE YOU SMILING!? RUN AWAY!! I swallow hard and let out a quiet sigh of relaxation. ''I have minor schizophernia and pretty bad aniety. Also, I take pills.'' 

He bites his lip nervously and looks at his feet. ''Pills...booze...suicidal thoughts... That's why I'm here. My best friend Frank thought It'd be for the best.''

''I can relate. Pills have been my escape for three years now.'' WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM SO MUCH?!

The voices raged on in my head and wouldn't stop. The would say things to me, painful things, horrible things. The never stopped, that's one of the reasons I'm here. Is because I went insane because of the voices. Yeah yeah, I know I said I'm not insane, but I WENT insane. I'm not insane NOW.

''Hello? Earth to Brooke?'' Gerard snaps his fingers in front of my face and raises an eyebrow. ''Where'd you go Brooke?'' 

I smile and lightly chuckle. ''Just lost in my head, I guess...'' I tap my temple with my pointer finger and bite the inside on my cheek.

He must think I'm crazy... Well, it wouldn't matter. We're both in rehab for similar things. Pills and suicidal thoughts. Except, his aren't because of a raging voice in his head that makes him want to kill himself. I know the voice isn't real, but just like my dreams/visions, it feels so real.

''Happens all the time. Could you help me unpack and settle in? I'd like to be done before nightfall.'' He says grabbing his one suitcase and backpack.

''Of course'' I grab his backpack from him and carry it to our room. I open the door and wlk inside, holding the door open for him.

''It's very homey.'' Gerard says, setting his suitcase on the second twin bed. It must've been placed in here earlier. After I left.

''I;ve been in here for a while... six years or so...'' He gasps at my comment.

''Wow, I'm just now turning myself into this place and I'm 23. How old are you today? I heard it was your birthday.'' He asks, opening the suitcase.

He doesn't care about you Brooke. Just give in and face the fact that you're worthless... I try and push the voice away, and it goes away, but it'll be back.

''Yeah, 19. I'm pretty young still...I guess.'' I open his backpack and take out notebooks and books. ''I'm guessing you like to read and write?''

''Yeah, it's my escape besides the drugs and alchohol.'' He takes out his clothes and sets them on a plain brown shelf.

I set the books on the shelf along with a photo of a younger looking boy. ''Who's this?'' I point to the picture and look at him.

He rubs his eye and looks down. ''My little brother Mikey. He's your age, ya know. He's such a sweetheart...''

I turn away from the picture. It pains me to see that he has a picture of his younger sibling, I don't have a picture of Willow, my little sister.

I flop onto my bed and let out a long sigh. ''I have a sister...She's probably almost fifteen now. I haven't seen her in really long time.''

He sits on his bed and huffs. He's trying to make you feel better, but you're worthless Brooke. No one loves you...Not even Willow...

''Shut up.'' I say out loud. Gerard looks at me, looking a bit hurt.

''Excuse me?''

''Sorry. I wasn't talking to you...'' I point to my forehead and shake my head. ''I hear things...''

He smiles and crosses his legs on his bed. ''I see...schizophernia does that. At least, it's what I've heard...'' 

He's not gonna except you Brooke. Just give in already, it only gets worse from here...

''I'm so sorry. I need a minute...'' I rush to the bathroom and slam the door behind me. I even jump at the loud slam.

I turn on the cold faucet water and wash the water over my face for a while. It felt nice...calming. I couldn't have a freak accident with Gerard around. I don't want to scare him away. He's a nice guy. I don't want to hurt him. Or make him feel unsafe around me. 

He knocked on the door lightly. ''Are you okay?'' He asks. ''I'm fine. I'm coming out...'' I look into the mirror  ''Don't ruin this...''

I walk out off the bathroom and smile. ''Sorry. I haven't been myself lately. Or, ever...''

Gerard gives a weak smile, showing no teeth. Its a shame he decided to do so. His teeth were very adorable...

We talked for hours. Mostly about him. How he went through depression at 17 and ended up in a hospital, how his brother was his inspiration to keep living. He kept talking, barely stopping to taken a breath of oxygen. They way his face lit up when he spoke of a happy memory... It made me happy. The way his voice became low and mysterious once he explained a deep thought he once had, or still has, made me feel so... 50 shades of emo... Bad joke, bad time. I know...

''I've had a lot of events happen to me. What about you?'' He stares at me with a look of guilt for asking, yet curiosity and a hunger form the information.

I look down at my folded hands and sigh. ''Well, before I went 'bat-shit' crazy, I had good grades in school, friends in would hang out with at the park and parents that would support me with every decision. A younger sister that looked up to me...''

Tears built a wall in front of my eyes, making my vision blurry. I wipe my eyes and sniffle. ''I'm sorry. No one besides my therapist talks about this stuff with me. I'm not really used to it I guess...''

He stands up from his bed, a look of pity in his eyes. ''It's alright Brooke.'' He smiles sadly and sits next to me, pulling me into a tight embrace. ''I'll be here for you.''

And with those words, I laid down, wrapped in his arms, and fell asleep. A familiar dream intruded my mind. The dream of him again...