Perfectly Imperfect - Book 2 in the Perfect series [Watty's 2016]

Chapter 25- I Wish

I sat in the back porch thinking about... Everything. I had a drawing pad in my lap and Elijah was on the ground playing with his toys. I set my pencil down and put my head in my hands. I couldn't do it. I can't anymore. I'm done. I started to cry and soon was sobbing as my 6 month old looked up and me and his lip quivered.

"No no no. Don't cry. I'm fine." I said picking him up kissing his head. He gripped my shirt and burried his head in my shoulder. I let more tears fall as I took a shakey breath. "Maybe I'm not okay." I whispered and wiped my eyes.

"McKenna Babe are you okay?" Dad asked as he kneeled in front of me. I shook my head and cried harder. He took Elijah setting him on the blue and white blanket I had down and hugged me.

"I can't do it. I miss him. Why did he do it? Why didn't he tell us he was hurting?" I sobbed into his shoulder and he rubbed me back kissing my head.

"I don't know baby girl. If I knew I'd tell you." He said kissing my head again.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I asked and he sighed.

"I wish I knew." He said a little choked up. I felt his staggered breathing and noticed he was crying too.

"Gee I ha-" Mum started but stopped as she seen us crying.

"You have to go, I know. I'll watch Zoey. Carter and Carson are at a friend's house and Charlotte is upstairs because she doesn't feel well." Dad said wiping his eyes and kissing mum.

"I love you, both." Mum said kissing dad again and kissing my head. She left and I went to the living room.

"I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap." I told Dad as he sat on the couch with Zoey.

"Okay." He said and kissed my head. I slowly went upstairs trying not to wake my sleeping child and when I got there I put him in his cot and flopped on my bed.

"Why Kellin?" I whispered and laughed. I could get an answer, not now and not ever.
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•Unknown POV•

Why did I do it? Why did I leave them? Why am I so fucking stupid?! All I can do is watch them mourn. I can't stop it.

Heaven is a real thing, but I'm not there. I'm not in hell either. It's a place you go after suicide to watch your loved ones suffer. I've been watching, and I can't fucking stop. Dad and McKenna are broken, mum is trying to be strong and so are Carter and Carson. Charlotte locked herself up in her room. I want them all to be happy. To just forget I ever existed.

"Hey" Someone said kneeling infront of me. "You don't know me, but I know you. I'm Kayleigh, your older sister." She said and I nodded not fazed by what she said.

"Hey." I said looking up at her.

"You shouldn't be here. What you did was idiotic." She said and stood up fixing her white dress.

"I know, I want to go back but I can't." I said and she nodded.

"But you can see them. You have to come with me. And keep quiet because people are still mourning." She said taking my hand leading me to a room. It was all white and made me look awkward wearing black and red.

"She should be here soon." Kayleigh said looking at the wall clock. Why is there a clock in here? I don't know. Then everything went white for a second then I seen her.

"Kenna I know you miss him." Kayleigh said and she nodded.

"I can't do it." She mumbled and buried her head in her hands.

"I have a something for you." Kayleigh said and stood up pulling me over.

"Kenna?" I asked and she looked at me.

"Kellin?" She asked and I nodded. She wrapped her arms around me and I did the same. She looked up as me and slapped me. "That is for leaving me."

"I'm sorry." I whispered and she sighed.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know?" I whispered.

"Why did you do it?" She asked and I shrugged again.

"I don't know." I whispered. "I wish I did."
•••

Hey hell buddies. So... Next chapter is another time skip because things are about to get interesting with McKenna and Alex's relationship. And get ready to want to murder someone. BYE! >•< MEOW! 😺