Piece by Piece

Chapter 4

"I hated it. Alone and confused was the last place I wanted to be.
Somehow I knew I deserved this."
—Brian Kans

4

Twisting

Turning

Heavy breaths

Sighs

Staring at the ceiling, he realized that silence really has a sound, probably even louder than noise.

The kiss.

Sure he has kissed a lot. Men, women, older ones, younger. So why does that kiss still bother him? The answer is something Vice couldn't figure out as well. Well maybe because he's not as drunk and as high as he usually gets when he did it. But shouldn't that bother him more? He kissed a stranger, not just a stranger, but a woman. He kissed a beautiful woman when in fact he was not dead drunk at all.

And there it was, that strange feeling he has surely already felt before. The same fast pumping of his heart, he could feel his blood gushing all over his body. What was that? Was it still the alcohol? Why is he feeling it. He swore years ago to never ever fall into that pit hole anymore, but right now, it seems his heart is disobeying him... Again.

His phone suddenly rang ceasing the silence that is swallowing him. He checked it, it was Vhong.

Vice: Hello?

Vhong: San ka?

Vice: Room.

Vhong: Okay ka lang? Kailangan mo ng kausap?

Vice: I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep.

Vhong: Okay. But if ever you need me, 2217 yung room number namin ha?

Vice: Okay. Thank you, Vhong. Sorry ulit kanina. And congrats again.

Vhong: Thanks brad. No worries. Di mo kasalanan. By the way, umuwi na sila tito, baka lang gusto mong malaman.

Vice: baliw. Sige na matutulog na ko. Baka maging kamukha na kita kakapuyat ko. Bye.

And there he is. The usual him. Trying to make a joke out of every situation. He could've asked for someone to talk to but he didn't. He knows everybody has moved on and he doesn't want to burden people with his own issue. The issue of moving on.

Maybe that's the reason why he hated constancy. It takes his mind off of his reality, the problems he actually has to face. He loves his job so much because it gives him the chance to be in different cities everyday, different people to work with, different looks, different styles. Nothing should stay the same. Nothing is constant. He wants everything fast paced, not minding how his time is passing by him.

But the real question is, was he really happy? Has he ever been happy? Sure he has felt it once in a while. He has laughed with friends and such, but the deepest kind of happiness? That kind where when you finally go to bed at night, no matter where you are, you could smile because you feel complete and contented with life. That kind where you no longer feel a hole in your heart, a missing wing, that feeling of emptiness. Inspite of all his fame and success, he has never felt that purest joy.