Being the best

The heart of the problem

I love the feeling of euphoria when playing the piano finally learning a piece that had you slapping your hands when you played the wrong note, or spending hours on the piano, squinting at the music until your eyes are blurry and your hands feel like they will be constantly curled up, but today I couldn't get into it. Nathan wasn't in today and nobody knew where he was, not even his friends. I sat and stared at Schindlers list theme song and just willed myself to get it right. It was so sad but I was finally getting good at it but now all I could think about was Nathan.  I looked at my hands and closed my eyes and played and finally it was perfect, my scale went up the octave at the perfect speed and a shiver went through me as I truly felt the absolute beauty of the piece and everything else just blurred away, I was immersed in the music and any friend trouble, or ex trouble, just seemed to disintegrate and all that was left was this instrument and music that I must perform because otherwise I felt as though I would fade away. Until the bell went. Damnit I was just getting into it. My music teacher peeked round the door at me and told me it was time to go now  and beckoned at me and I did everything I could not to yell at her, couldn't she give me a few more minutes just to finish it. I stood up and gathered my music into my arms and put it in my satchel beside the Yamaha. I walked out and stood beside my locker, wishing I could go back in to play, I wanted to, I needed too. Until I felt someone beside me. I looked up and saw Nathan. He was walking towards me and stopped beside my locker. I stared up at him and he looked down at me. He grinned then and raised an eyebrow and said the most cheesiest clichéd line known to man,"Like what you see Ves?" I went right up onto my tiptoes and whispered just below his ear (I can't reach his ear otherwise I would of whispered in his ear) and replied with the only reasonably clichéd comeback of, "Been there, done that, got the Tshirt... and moved on" He stared at me and then just laughed, reaching his arm around me in a awkward side hug as you would your friend and NOT your ex. "You never change, do you? But you just made me smile, so maybe it's a good thing." I look at him and say "Why would you need someone to make you smile, you are always so happy." He stopped then and just looked at me, looking straight into my eyes and into my soul. "I'm not happy, Ves, not anymore." I look down, feeling his eyes still  me, he was making me unconfortable,he was reminding me of everything that we had lost and I hated it. I didn't want to remember.

He seemed to get the message because he stopped looking at me and withdrew his arm from around me and stopped giving me the heated stare and instead got out his phone as though looking for an excuse to leave, I couldn't blame him, I knew I had created an awkward silence between us. I just looked at him, gave him a hug and said "I will see you later Nathan, but mum will be moaning if I don't get home soon, you know what she can be like." He nodded and smiled at me but didn't reply.