Being the best

Who am I?

So I thought my day was going well and it was, for a Tuesday. Nothing had happened, my friends hadn't picked on me or the other silly things they liked to pick on and I hadn't done anything particularly embarrassing. All in all, it had been a good, lazy Tuesday. That was until I did the most embarrassing thing you can do.

The foot trip. One foot got hooked and then the other and I stumbled. I dropped- no that's to graceful, I face planted onto the ground. Splat. On the school lunch stairs, halfway through lunch. I heard the few intakes of breaths but mostly it was laughing, but it didn't matter I had lost my dignity anyway, the deed was done. I got up, pulling down my skirt that undeniably flashed the year 8 behind me and brushed my hair down with my hands as I attempted to walk normally to my "Friends". And then my day got even worse. They were killing themselves, you know, that ugly chocking laughing, teeth out, eyes closed as though they were about to cry with laughter, there lunch dribbling out of the corner of their mouths as they laughed at my poor unfortunate failure. They were bitches. I sat done, rearranged my skirt and slumped low as they continued to laugh and make fun of me as I fumed in silence. It's sad really how low people can become. I get it, I know they haven't been brought up well or that they are insecure or jealous but that's no need to take it out on someone who could feel the exact same way. Do they not realize that they are just wrecking someone else's life to make their own somewhat more peaceful? I'm lost in thoughts when I hear them quieten down and that makes me nervous.

I wake up from my daydream and look up and see them all staring at him. You can't really help, I do it too any one attracted to men would do the same. He is pure perfection. I don't know what makes him so attractive but he is and startlingly too. He has the perfect face, hair and body and everyone knows it too. At least the attention is now off me. He looks up and makes eye contact with what feels like the whole school. He can't help it; his eyes are just so...captivating. He grin's at his friends behind him and nod's towards a table and walks over to it and sits in his chair, pulling out his phone while he does it. He looks tired and he run's his hand's through his hair that already has the dishevelled look. But that is what makes him so attractive.

But then he stop's, suddenly standing up and putting his phone in his pocket. His friends look up at him in surprise and his lips say that he will text them but then he is walking away towards the office, his bag flung low on his back, hitting against him as he walk's as fast as he can. His hand is now raking through his hair, which is a clear sign that he is nervous and he start's running. He reaches the office doors and the front entrance and looks at the receptionist. She nod's at him and points out at the car park and then he disappears from the prying eye's of the whole school. But one thing that everyone noticed was his eye's. They were blank, empty almost as though the life had been drained out of them and he wasn't going to ever get his heart beating properly again.  The noise in the cafeteria start's up but this time about Nathan and what had happened. Everyone was crowding round his friends as they pried into what had happened.

My friends obnoxious voices where now discussing the concepts of what could of happened. A death in the family, perhaps or maybe he had forgotten something or maybe he wasn't feeling well and thought he was going to puke. Their ideas became more and more obscure and they blanked me out of the conversation as there one main concern was what was wrong with Nate. But I  knew you couldn't forge that broken look in his eye's. It was a death, someone very important to him because it had physically broken him just hearing whatever was on that text. I had seen that look on  my mum's face and I had seen it on my Grans face when she realised her son was gone. It is a look of utter despair. 

But I couldn't help him, even if I wanted to, I don't matter, I am just another pawn in his kingdom and not even a very good one. I am nothing, I have nothing but maybe neither does he now.

We are two people trying to live in a world that has broken us.