On My Own (A Shoey Fanfic)

Confusion

Joeys POV~

"Meghan-san!"

"Hey, Joey!" she opened the door smiling. I hugged her happily, exhaling and feeling more relaxed than I had all day. Meghan and I were very close and I knew that I could talk to her about anything, even if it was a subject as awkward as Shane.

She lead me into the living room and we sat down on her couch. "Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"No thanks, I'm good," I smiled a bit, leaning back and biting my lip.

"Suit yourself," she shrugged and sat down. "So, what's on your mind? You seemed kinda troubled when you were texting me."

I shrugged. "Just a lot of stuff with Shane, I guess. He told me that he's moving."

"Aww, that's too bad," she pouted. "He was such a great friend."

"Yeah, I always just felt so good around him, I guess," I looked down at my hands. "I'm gonna miss him a lot." We sat in silence for a moment, neither of us really knowing what to say. I broke the silence and spoke slowly, choosing my words carefully, "There's also a lot of other... stuff that's been bothering me. I... I'm super confused..."

"If talking will help, you can tell me," she crossed her legs and sat up. "You never know. Maybe I can help you get less confused."

I looked over at her, weighing my options. "I dunno. I tried to talk to Sawyer about it, and it didn't really end too well."

"Come on," she insisted, scooting closer. "He's Sawyer. He doesn't get emotions. Maybe I'll understand whatever it is better than he did." When I didn't reply, she continued, "But... if you really don't want to talk about it, we don't have to. We can do something else! We could make a video, or-Mmpf!"

I cut her off, leaning in and pressing my lips to hers. My heart pounded in my chest and my cheeks started to burn. What was I doing? I slowly moved back, cringing and waiting for her response.

Meghan's eyes were like saucers. An awkward silence stretched between us and she finally spoke, "What the heck just happened...?"

I broke down, feeling my lip quiver as I spoke, "I'm sorry, Meghan, my life is just so screwed up, I-I don't even know wha-"

Before I could finish my sentence, she moved forward and kissed me yet again, placing her hand on my cheek and guiding our mouths together.

Now it was my turn to freak out. Did Meghan like me? Is that what this was? I didn't push her away, but I felt my ears grow hot with embarrassment. What had I gotten myself into? I avoided looking her in the eye as she leaned back and sat, staring at me wide-eyed. Her cheeks were flushed with colour and her chest rose and fell as she breathed.

"Joey, I like-"

I couldn't bear to hear what I knew she was going to say, so I interrupted her. "I think I'm in love with Shane-!"

A look of disappointment showed on her face for a split second, but she shook it off and replace it with confusion. "Wait, what? I didn't even know you were..." she trailed off, "Well, gay..."

"Neither did I, until, like, right now," I was starting to shake again, with excitement and surprise. "I-I think I was in denial, or something... I had to kiss you to see if it felt the same as kissing Shane."

"Oh..." she looked down, looking a tiny bit sad for a millisecond, but then wiping it off her face and meeting my eye with a smile. "But you like Shane? Really?"

"I-I think so," I grinned like an idiot. "Even just thinking about him makes me feel really happy! I never thought we'd end up together..."

"I'm sure all the Shoey fans out there would be freaking out if they could hear what you were saying to me right now," Meghan laughed. "So, what are you going to do with him?"

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"I mean, are you gonna make a move on him?" she nudged me with her elbow and smiled some more.

I exhaled. "It's going to be really hard if I do, but I don't even know if I'll ever get the chance!" I felt my breath start to speed up again. "He's moving... remember?"

"Oh my god, that completely slipped my mind!" she exclaimed. "If you're gonna be with him, you'll have to act fast!"

"I... I don't think so," I shook my head, looking away. "He's dating Lisa, and I'd just make myself look stupid if I tell him how I feel..."

"Listen," she placed her hands on mine. "If you don't take this chance while you have it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

I sighed. "I'll think about it, ok?" I smiled at Meghan and stood up. "Thanks for talking with me. I feel a lot better now."

"Hey," she grinned. "That's what friends are for."

I got up and got ready to leave. I hugged her goodbye and thanked her again, "Sorry about the whole kiss thing. You're so good to put up with me."

"Call me if anything happens that I need to know about," she smiled. "And you can do it. You never know how he's actually going to react until you tell him. Maybe he'll feel the same way."

"And maybe he'll laugh and walk away," I bit my lip.

She gave me a doubtful look. "I find it hard to believe that Shane would do that."

"Like I said, I'll think about it," I shrugged. "And I'll keep you up to speed, don't worry."

"You had better!" she laughed again, and waved once more. "I'll see you."

"Bye," I grinned. "And thanks again."