On My Own (A Shoey Fanfic)

Let's Talk

Joey's POV~

I pulled over and stopped the car, brushing my hands through my hair and taking a few deeps breaths. If I couldn't calm myself down, I knew I was going to end up getting hurt.

I dug my phone out of my pocket and texted Sawyer. My fingers shook as I typed. "Are you still at home?"

He replied hastily. "Yeah, where are you?"

I ignored his question and pulled back out onto the road. I was starting to get worried there was actually something wrong with me, I felt so bad. The was an enormous lump in my throat and I just felt like curling up and crying. Going to see Shane had done the opposite of what I'd intended!

I pulled into the parking lot and before I knew it, I was back up in my apartment. Sawyer was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee. His eyes widened when he saw me. "Joey, where have you been? I woke up and you were gone!"

I stared at him with my mouth gaping open, unable to conjure up the words I needed. "I-I... Sh-Shane..."

"You look terrible," Sawyer got up and walked over towards me. He grabbed a blanket from over the back of the couch and threw it around my shoulders. "Maybe you should sit down for a bit..."

I was still shaking hysterically, but having Sawyer close by helped me calm down a bit. After a few more long, slow breaths, I finally managed to speak. "I... went to see Shane... he told me he's moving away..."

"Yeah, he told me a while back." Sawyer shrugged. "I didn't think you'd take it so hard."

"N-neither did I..." I swallowed and curled up on the couch. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."

"You're allowed to be upset, he's like-"

I cut Sawyer off before he could finish. "He kissed me."

Sawyer did a double take. "What? Like, today?"

"No," I shook my head and looked down at my hands. I still felt sick, but I hated not talking about it. "For that dare video he was doing..."

"Dare the Dawson? Yeah, I saw that already. Why-"

I interrupted again, "I can't stop thinking about it. And I don't know why. I... I have these dreams about him and me... I just don't know..."

Sawyer gave a cheeky smile. "Maybe someone's got a crush."

"I'm not gay," I snapped, answering a little too quickly. I shook my head and looked away. "Just shut up, Sawyer." I bit my lip, pushing back the memories of kids at school and all the teasing I had been subjected to.

"Sorry..." he leaned back, obviously aware that her upset me. "I was just kidding..."

I exhaled and closed my eyes, putting my head down. "I'm really confused, because I don't know why I can't just let this kiss go!"

"Maybe it's one of those things where since you're trying not to think about it, you end up thinking about it more," Sawyer suggested.

"Yeah, that's probably it," I shrugged, looking down and telling myself that it must be. Still, I couldn't help but thinking... What if I was gay? I shuddered at the thought; the thought that all those people who had bullied and picked on me had been right all along... it made me feel nauseous.

We sat there in silence for a moment, and Sawyer stood up. "Um, Tyler invited me over to film a video," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I was gonna head over there, but if you wanted me to stay with you, I could call him and let him know..."

"No, I'll be fine," I looked back over at him and forced a smile. I still felt kind of lost in thought. "I'll text you if I start freaking out again."

"Ok," he laughed, grabbing his shoes. "I'll see you later. Don't do anything too crazy."

I rolled my eyes and chuckled as he closed the door behind him. Being alone again, my thoughts started to turn back towards Shane. Was I in love with him? Is that was this is? I bit my lip and scratched my head, thinking everything over. I'd never really had a long term relationship with a girl, but that didn't mean I was gay. Maybe I just hadn't found the right person yet.

Within a few minutes I was starting to wish that I'd asked Sawyer to stay. I just needed to try a few things, then I was sure all my questions would be answered. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I came across one that stuck out. "Hey," I typed. "You home today?"

"Yup," she replied quickly.

"Can I come over and hang out? I've got TOO much on my mind and being alone is driving me #cray!"

"lol why not!"

"Thanks! See u soon! ;D"