Five Foot Four ((Zach Abels Fanfic))

Chapter Seventeen

    I climbed into the other side of Lucy's double bed and pulled on a tee, which she let me borrow, and I cleaned my face with a wet wipe.

    My tight bun had somehow loosened and was worn low at the back of my head in a clumped mess, but I didn't really care. I just pulled the bobble out of my hair, ignoring the tugging pain of the knots and let it fall above my shoulders. The harsh pain of having it up stung my head and I flattened the hair down to let the pain hurt a little more so I could get used to it before putting my head onto the pillow.  

    It was almost four in the morning and both Luce and I had to wake up in three hours.

    "Can we just skip tomorrow?" She asked, her voice thick with exhaustion.

    "I don't really want to." I said.

    If I skipped college then I wouldn't have had a reason not to see Zach again, it would have felt like an excuse and I wanted a reason. I wanted something to make me feel like I wasn't the one to blame, even though another couple days wouldn't of hurt anyone...

    She looked at me as if she was trying to read my mind, one look that I had picked up from her. She told me it was a technique to get someone to speak and I had never really believed her but now I felt like I needed to talk to someone about it, even if I struggled.

    "There are still a couple of days until they go," I said.

    "And you want to be occupied." She finished my sentence, but in a way I wouldn't have put it.

    "It's not that I don't want to see him," 

    "Not at all!" She spoke, "It's that you can't... see him, I mean."

    I sort of shook and nodded my head at the same, unsure how I was supposed to respond because she knew how I felt. She may not have said it in so many words but I had the gut feeling that she knew exactly what I meant.

    The light turned off and I curled up under the thick sheets.

    "I don't know what it's like to be in your position," Luce whispered, "but I do know that you'll get through it and whatever happens in the end happens."

    My eyes adjusted to the lighting and I stared at the curtains, with the light starting to shine through the material. 

    The curtains were a light cream colour and seemed too big for the window but it made it seem a lot more spacier. I followed the gaps and curves in them and studied the tiny patterns spread out, they were ever so light and barely visible but I concentrated on them. They were long and just brushed the wooden floor.

    I clenched my jaw and tried my hardest to contain any emotion that felt like it would flood out. I didn't want to cry over something that seemed this pathetic. 

    "I don't want to go home." I whispered too quietly.

     Luce heard me only slightly, but not completely catching what I said. She asked me but I just shook my head on the pillow because the huge lump in my throat resembled a stone and prevented me from talking. Plus, if I would of taken that tiny chance to speak, I would have cried.

    "Raine." She whispered.

    All I managed to get out was a 'm' and even then, it was all shaky and higher pitched.

    "It's okay to feel like this, and it's okay to cry." She said.

    "It's not though!" I forced out and the attached tears came along too.

    The hot tears rolled the wrong way and fell onto the pillow and some in my hair. Some of them crawled over my nose and just dropped, some took the under of my nose and the top of my lip, while the other eye was already on the pillow and they just soaked in or kept rolling. 

    My throat burned and the lump somehow enlarged in my throat, creating great difficulty to do anything, including cry.

    "Yes it is." 

    "How?" I weakly spoke, still a mess.

    She sat up and pulled the duvet higher over her and I turned around, hoping the darkness hid my, probably, blotchy face and red eyes.

    "You're a fan." She said as if I'd forgotten. "That means you've idolised the band for so long! And as for the members, you've seen too many videos to count. Interviews, live performances and so many other things." 

    "Mm?" I struggled. 

    "You've had this connection with the band for a long time and you fell in love with them." She stopped to swallow. "You fell in love with that Zach."

    I shook my head because it wasn't like that at all. It was like a completely different person. I hadn't fallen in love with the Zach that I'd spent time with.

    "But you fell in love with the musician, Zach. Not the actual person." She looked at me, trying to figure out something. "Wait, no. I don't mean he wasn't already a person... I just meant the non famous, regular guy kind."

    I understood what she meant and I hated to agree, but I was in love with The Neighbourhood Zach and I liked Zachary Abels. 

    "It sort of feels like I'm making no sense here... Is this doing anything for you? You can say no and I'll try to explain it better, but tomorrow because too tired." She said.

    "No, I get it." My throat was still groggy and my eyes were still wet with the tears.

    "Goodnight, Raine." 

    "Thank you, Luce." I turned to face the curtains again.