The Temptations of Chemistry

Chapter Nineteen - C'mon, My Debt's Don't Go Unpaid

"Jessie." Matty mumbled, peaking his head through my bedroom door and looking down at me.

"Yeah?" I grumbled, pulling up the blanket some and rubbing my fists over my sleepy eyes while attempting to lift myself out of my bed some. 

God, I did not want to go to school today.

"Carson called. He said to tell you that he wasn't going to school today so I'll drive you. C'mon get up and get ready." He informed me and my eyebrows instantly furrowed. Carson never missed school. Was this about Saturday morning? Because if it was, I agreed with him that it shouldn't of happened if I do recall.

I pushed the thought aside, not wanting Matty to suspect anything and rolled out from under the covers, standing on my feet. "Don't worry about it, I'll walk."

"Jess-"

"Really Matty, it's okay. I could use the fresh air, plus I know you have to leave like.." I glanced over to the clock that read 8:00 am. "Now."

He forced a small smile. "Okay. Have a good day."

After that he exited my room quietly. There's been this awkward cloud hovering over mine and Matty's relationship ever since the whole visiting-the-devil episode. Of course he can see that my life with Linda wasn't pleasant and of course he wants to ask about it, I can see in his eyes. Then again, he knows that there really is not getting it out of me so he avoids a fight over it.

He was unlike Carson in that way. I mean, Carson will push and push without a care in the world if he's upsetting me or picking a fight because he knows that deep down, I want to tell him. He knows that it would be better for me to let it all out than to keep it all bundled up, as much as I wanted to deny it.

That brought me back to the question of why in the world would Carson not be going to school today? He had perfect attendance.

Possibilities surrounded my mind as I scrounged to get myself ready for school. It didn't take much, a typical long sleeve top and a pair of sweat pants that my thin legs practically swam in. I didn't brush my hair or apply any make up or anything. All I did was dress, grab my bag and head for the front door.

My feet were skidding across the pavement slowly as I paced in the direction of the school that I did not want to attend today. Or any day for that matter. But, I had to graduate. It was the first step in changing my life around, to actually getting somewhere.

Suddenly, I found myself wandering in the direction of Carson's. Actually, I was running. My feet soon racing to get ahead of one another. In my head it made sense to go there. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, Carson was an important part of my life, being probably the only one to believe in me. I had to know that he was okay and not on his death bed or something. There must have been a good reason he wasn't going to school.

God, I was actually worried about him. I just felt this need to be there for him like he was for me. My head was screaming for me to stop and turn around because in my mind, I knew that there was no sense in getting any closer to Carson considering it's hard to say when I'll be gone. But, I just couldn't ignore my heart and my body which was thriving unconditionally to be in his presence. It was like there was a void that needed to be filled and he was the only one that could cure it.

There was a insane pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure if it was because of all this running or because I was so crazy concerned for him for no reason. I'm thinking it was a bit of both. It wasn't long before the rain started to come down, beating off my skin. Slow at first, and picking up speed until it was full on pouring, soaking me to the bone.

Now there wasn't even a part of me that told myself to go back to school. My whole body was dying to see him, to make sure he was okay or that he wasn't going to get himself into some kind of trouble.