The Temptations of Chemistry

Chapter Twenty Three - I Always Seem To Go With My Head

Chapter Twenty Three - 

"We should.. talk." Carson grumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

I looked up from tthe bowl of cereal that I was currently devoring. He had just finished his prior and put his dirty dish in the sink to be washed.

His palms then pressed to the back of the kitchen table's chair that he sat in just a minute ago pushing his weight into it as he leaned. He was still looking down at me while I gazed up at him with confusion. 

I remained silent, much like I had the entire morning since I woke up and found myself wrapped almost too comfortably in Carson's arms. When his body took a step over, closer to where I was currently sitting, I shot up from my seat and picked up my bowl.

"Talk about what? There is nothing to talk about." I shurgged as I pushed past him to put my bowl in the sink.

After I had done that, I headed off towards the bedroom. 

"About last night, about you, everything Lyn. There are plenty of things you and I should be talking about.." He trailed off as he followed me. 

 I sat on the bed pulling on the socks that had fallen off my feet during the night, "Really? Can't be that important because I can't think of anything." I said carelessly, avoiding his eye contact. When both of my socks were pulled on I stood up from my spot to push past Carson once again, and out into the main room. 

"Lyn, stop walking away from me."

The deep growl of Carson's tone rung in my ears. His face was full of fierceness as he reached for my wrist to pull me back. When he did, my chest almost struck his, our close proximity was making my breath quicken and the intensity of his expression made me weak.

"What?" I hollered in a angered tone.

Before I knew it, my back was being pressed against the wall and he was just inches away from my face. 

"You can't tell me that there's nothing to talk about anymore, okay? You can't walk away and you can't refuse to acknowledge what's going on here, Jessalyn." The muscle in his jaw was ticking as he forced his furious words out of his clenched teeth.

"I can do whatever I want, Carson." I spat back.

His grip on me loosened slightly but still not enough for me to slip away. My face just inches from his was paused in place and unable to move even if I wanted to because my eyes were captivated with the fury of his.

After what felt like a period of time, he sighed his voice quiet and haunting to my heart. "Are you ever going to trust me?" 

My eyes fell downcast, a despondent expression taking over my face and my soul. I did trust him, I really did. It was just that there was something within myself that prevented me from acting on the urge to spill my heart out. I couldn't do it, and it had nothing to do with trust. 

But even with that, I knew what he meant. To be honest, I don't know if I would ever be able to talk about the way he makes me feel, or about my past or any of the pain I've experienced. I may never be ready to tell him, or anyone about what happened when I lived with my mom and the horrible things that took place. I'd never say what it was like or how I managed.

It seemed natural for me act like everything was fine, to avoid talking about it at all costs. Most of the time I wanted it that way, it was better off.

But then when Carson was here, in my face questioning me about it all there was this piece of my heart that wanted to burst and let it all out, it wanted to be able to tell him everything. Still, I just couldn't. That one piece of my heart was completely overruled by every other part of my body.