The Temptations of Chemistry

Chapter Twenty Seven - Are You Sure?

Chapter Twenty Seven - Are You Sure?

I woke up with an empty bottle of jack clutched tightly in my hand. My head was pounding but I've been living like this for over two weeks and it was almost like I had become immune to it again. There was an ache in my stomach and I tried my damn hardest to push the thought and feeling away.

My eyes fluttered open slowly but I was scared to look around the room. I'd slept on the floor so my back wasn't feeling so shit hot and I could feel a draft on my skin almost immediately due to my lack of actual clothing.

These are the kind of shameful mornings I endure while living here with Kyle and Linda, it's not exactly the dream life that's for sure. Marijuana scattered in crumbs across the floor, broken glass, endless amounts of beer bottles and empty quarts, cigarettes and ashes, the reeking smell of alcohol and sex.

It made me want to gag

I glanced beside me to see the new guy that paid my mother to be here last night, next to me, and half naked. I felt dirty and disgusting.

If it was my choice, I would refuse but to tell Kyle and Linda no, caused far worse physical pain than the emotional pain and trauma.

Sometimes I thought that John and Cynthia didn't love me, but the truth was that they had always cared far more than Linda ever had. At least I know Cynthia wouldn't go out and find men to sell me to and John wouldn't collect the cash when they left feeling like a million bucks for not jerking off in front of some low life porn for once. 

I was damaged goods. I was worthless and used and abused. Carson would never want me if he knew the truth about all this. He would be disgusted and ashamed that he'd ever laid a finger on me. 

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and tried not to let it all get to me. 

Finally, I had worked up the courage to lift myself from the floor and head to my room. It was still early and I knew that Kyle and Linda would be passed out cold for most of the day after their exhausting little party they had going on here last night. 

I took a quick shower, the best one that I could in this dump anyway and then I got dressed. 

The stress and the emptiness within me was killing me, and I knew there was only one thing that I could do to numb that pain for even a short period of time. And that one thing was to hop in a dirty taxi and go to Carson's. It was almost like a instinct feeling that I couldn't hold in anymore. I felt the need to get up and go see him everyday now since I've been here and I always held back.

After last night, I just couldn't do that anymore.

So, once had myself feeling clean for the first time in 24 hours, dressed in only a pair of old baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt. I crept into the living room and picked up some man's pants. I knew there had to be plenty of cash on these guys because of how much they are willing to pay for me, and Linda's other friends. 

I reached deep down in the pocket and pulled out the wad of bills that have been stuffed in there. I took more than I needed and headed to the phone to call myself a taxi. 

--

I stood at the edge of the road for what felt like hours waiting for that taxi, there were goosebumps on my shivering arms and my hair was blowing in my face. It was all worth my while when I was standing in front of Carson's house. It looked somewhat deserted but I figured he was there since his truck was parked in it's usual spot in the driveway. 

Again, I stood at the edge, looking in. I was scared. Terrified even, after what I had said to him the day he came to bring me home. Part of my felt like backing out, like running all the way back to the place where I belong.