Scattered

Coming at you on the count of 1, 2 (1,2,3,4)

Chapter nine

I watched as Adrianna slowly stopped crying. It took her the good part of an hour. We both sat facing each other, the smell of her vomit was still in the air, and neither of us cared. Both of our worlds had just come crashing down on top of us.
            “I can’t believe I fucking slept with you.”
            Way to break the silence Adrianna.
            I had something better to say. “When you said to Jimmy ‘when I caught you sleeping with my own kin’, did you mean…”
            “Maria?” she scoffed. “Yeah he fucked her. I came in the next day… given they’d both been pretty drunk and at the time we looked very, very alike. Forgave him, not her, she knew what she was doing. She hadn’t drank that much, she knew.” Adrianna left the room and me alone for a few minutes. When she came back, she didn’t speak she just started cleaning up the vomit on the floor.
            My head was battered. Maria was dead because of my mom not being able to pay off a drug debt…the Castaway’s were the only gang known for killing off people, which begged the question whose head did they want? …Mine or Adrianna’s?
            “Do you really hate me?” I asked her in a small voice, tears still beating down my face. I looked up to see she was crying too. It was horrible seeing her cry, I’d never seen anything so sad in a long time.
            She shook her head and began sobbing again. I crawled over to her and pulled her into my chest. “I hate that I said that, am sad and am confused and I hate myself right now.” She was shaking so hard in my arms I didn’t know what I should do so I did nothing but hold onto her and hope she’d be okay. She had to be right? She was the strongest person I knew.
            Adrianna pushed me off of her and stood up. I stood up too and watched her hands pull at her hair. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey sorry that I was part of the reason your entire fucking family got murdered, my bad’? What do you say in a situation like this?
            “I’m sorry okay?”
            Adrianna laughed without humour. “Sorry? Sorry doesn’t fucking cover it!” She screamed the words at me, her anger and confusion exploding into venomous rage.
            “HEY! TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST WITH YOU SHOULDN’T BE BLAMING ME YOU-” I didn’t get to finish my sentence. She punched me so hard I blacked out.
            How long was I out?
            Couldn’t tell you but when I woke up Jimmy was stood above me, a vile smile on his face.
            “Hello,” he said with enthusiasm before kicking me in the ribs. “I knew I recognised your name,” kick “I guess your girls prefer a bit of me, huh?”
            I managed to stand up even though my body was aching and my head was on fire.
            “Why’re you here?” I asked through gritted teeth.
            Jimmy’s smile disappeared. He ran at me and pushed me against a wall. He put his hand on my throat to make sure I didn’t move.
            “My Adrianna…” he took in a deep breath. “My Adrianna…” he let go of me and fell back and I stood shocked because…well I saw the great Jimmy Longview cry. And then when he caught his breath and told me what had happened, I cried too and then he drove me to see Adrianna.

Adrianna’s POV

I looked at Billie passed out on the floor with a red mark on the side of his face. I’d hit him hard, too hard. I hadn’t even meant to. I’d snapped. Everything was happening too fast and all I wanted to do was vomit again.
            I didn’t hate him at all, sure he annoyed me at times but he was someone I wanted. I didn’t quite love him but I absolutely, one hundred per cent adored him.
            I left the room and ran to my bag, which I had yet to unpack. I took off Billie’s shirt and put on an old sweatshirt of Jimmy’s I’d been given a long time ago. I put on a pair of denim shorts that were frayed and went into the kitchen. I needed something to drink. I picked up a bottle of whiskey and walked back to where Billie was. I checked he was breathing okay; yeah, he was fine, just out cold.
            I started crying again, my heart breaking all over again.
            This wasn’t his fault but I couldn’t stay. My mind was all over the place but I knew I couldn’t stay here, no way.
            So with a bottle of whiskey in hand and no shoes on my feet I ran. The sun was setting and my eyes were burning but I couldn’t care less about it. I ran and I ran. Until I came to a park, it was empty and just the place I needed to be. I sat on a swing.
            Maria was dead.
            Dad was dead.
            Mom was – probably – dead.
            I wanted Billie, just as much as he wanted me.
            Jimmy needed me but I didn’t need him.
            I drank, not wanting to feel, not wanting to think. Depression suddenly clawed its way into my thoughts. The thoughts of suicide and pain seemed to hold my hand like an old friend.
            I’d cut before, my legs, wrists, shoulders and hips told that tale. I kept drinking hoping that the thoughts would simply fade away. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to fall back into the pit of…it was too late.
            I sobbed knowing I couldn’t run away from the crippling sadness. I drank the rest of the bottle and then threw it on the ground. It smashed into shards all around my bare feet. One shard caught my left foot and made it bleed; I smiled to myself. The pain was like relief to me, a distraction from my mind which was filled with horrid, horrid confusion. I didn’t want to be confused, or angry, sad, happy or anything anymore. I was sick of feeling…everything.
            I pulled my sweatshirt sleeves up and then picked up a big shard of glass. I cut open the old scar I had on my arm and then attacked the other. Slice after slice, until… until I had to stop. I was too dizzy now and my arms seemed to just be red. They had become the colour. That’s all I knew.
            I fell to the floor and closed my eyes, ready to die.

Billie’s POV

I was sat at one side and Jimmy on the other. Between us was a hospital bed with a girl we both loved. Adrianna’s breathing was slow and she hadn’t woken up yet.
            Some kids had found her and called 911, Jason in turn found out and called Jimmy, who then came to beat the crap out of me but ended up telling me that Adrianna was on her deathbed.
            In a way she was. Her arms were bandaged up and her face was still swollen and bruised from Jimmy’s beating.
            A doctor came in with a clipboard; he was tall with a kind face and small eyes.
            “Billie Macy?” he looked back and forth between me and Jimmy.
            “Yes?” I replied wondering what he could want or need.
            “You need to stay here, when she wakes up you’ll need to fill out a form…apparently you’re the only person able to discharge her, at least that’s what her lawyer told me.” He looked at me as if I was a piece of shit and I couldn’t blame him, I was.
            “That’d be right.” I said without looking at Jimmy, fearful of his reaction to this news.
            “We’d like to keep her here for observation but you are able to take her home if you so wish. According to her blood work she hasn’t been taking her medication…actually I am going to keep her here for a week, she needs analysing and evaluating before she leaves.” He then left, leaving me and Jimmy staring at her.
            Her eyes remained shut.
            I looked at Jimmy. “She has medication?”
            “She has bi-polar disorder. That’s why she has those mood swings, one minute she hates you, the next she’s laughing hysterically, then crying and then god knows…she got diagnosed a year before Maria died.” Jimmy put his hand over Adrianna’s and held it tightly.
            “You don’t treat her right.”
            He nodded; he had no reason to argue with my statement. “I love her.”
            “Me too.” I said putting my hand on her knee.
            Jimmy shook his head. “You don’t know her; you can’t love her like I do.”
            We didn’t talk after that. In fact the only time there was any noise in the room was when the lawyer I’d previously met rushed into the room and demanded an explanation; I did not give him one, nor did Jimmy. He left, he had a case to fly to in Toronto but he made the doctor promise to call him when she was to be realised.
            Jimmy ignored his cell, which was buzzing constantly. I did too.
            We practically lived in Adrianna’s tiny hospital room for three days.
            Jimmy was curled up and sleeping on a chair and I was reading some stupid magazine, wondering why people wanted to be so pretty all the time, when suddenly a small voice caught my attention.
            “Unless God has a sense of humour, this isn’t heaven?”
            I threw the magazine on the floor and grabbed her hand. Adrianna smiled at me weakly before sitting up. I pulled my chair closer to her bedside.
            “Sorry but you made it.” I squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.
            “Gloria was her middle name. I shouldn’t have known it was you from the beginning.” She coughed and then looked at me with sad eyes.
            “Am not too creative,” I looked over at Jimmy who remained oblivious to Adrianna being awake and then returned my gaze back to her.
            “Billie, what am I going to do?”
            I didn’t think, I just spoke, to me; the answer was obvious “Get better.”
            She laughed a little and it woke up Jimmy. I let go of her hand and moved away. I watched as Jimmy held her face and put his forehead on to hers. He really did love her, in his own twisted way. Adrianna began crying and I sat and did nothing. I had no idea what to do because I suddenly realised I wasn’t sure who I exactly was to her; friend, lover or foe?

Two weeks later

I walked up to my friend Frankie’s house but before I could even knock on the door he had it open.
            “Where have you been man?” He threw his arms around me and I laughed. “You look like shit. Get in here.”
            I followed him into the house and threw my bag onto his couch. I sat down beside my bag and Frankie sat on the recliner opposite me.
            “Is Ryan in?” I asked hoping he’d say yes.
            “Ryan get in here! Billie’s made it home.”
            Ryan came staggering in from the other room, his bleach blonde hair poking out in different directions and his eyes narrowed. “Billie?”
            He sat beside me and smiled. “Where the fuck have you been?”
            “I was about to explain actually.”
            “Well ‘am all ears!”
            So I sat and told them both everything. I told them about the first night I’d met Adrianna, the whirlwind journey we’d had, the truth about Maria and all about Jimmy Longview.
            Frankie suddenly held up his hand. “So where’s whats-her-name at now?”
            “Adrianna,” I said correcting him.
            Ryan piped up, confused. “I thought she was called Gloria?”
            “No, her names Adrianna…any way…I was about to get to that part.” They fell silent and I smiled, happy to have the floor again. “So she spends a week and a half being ‘evaluated’. I visit every day, then every night stay at the house that was once her dads. Anyway, Jimmy comes by the house. ‘Am terrified at this point but he’s not there to kill me, or even hit me. He tells me that she’s been dispatched and fucked off.”
            “Where is she?” Frankie asked, totally immersed in my story.
            “Jimmy has little to no clue. Apparently she’s gone to go get vengeance on the gang member who did the deed and…killed…killed our Maria. I looked for her for around two days but even Jimmy couldn’t find her. I have no idea where she is. I guess she’s all gone.” I shrugged not wanting to show much emotion in front of my friends.
            “You want us to help you find her? We can do that.” Ryan put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him and his well-aged face. He had strong cheekbones that made him appear a few years older than he actually was, I also found myself noticing his nose for the first time in my life, it was the kind of nose I wanted, a very strong nose.
            “We’re here for you.” Frankie said with a big cheesy smile. He put a hand through his badly dyed green hair. I smiled back.
            “Yes, I do. First though can I stay with you guys and get a good night’s sleep?”
            Frankie nodded, “Dude, just move in!”
            “You may as well, I mean you can’t go home can you?” Ryan squeezed my shoulder and looked at me in pity.
            “True.” I picked up my bag and Frankie walked me to the spare room. I lay on the bed and turned on the T.V. I looked around me. The room wasn’t too big, the walls had peeling brown wall paper – just like the rest of the one floor house – and it wasn’t perfect but I didn’t mind at all. Frankie and Ryan had been my best friends since I was twelve years old, when Maria died they’d been just as cut up as me and they’d stuck by me, even though I’d been a shit, ignorant friend.
            I smiled and felt thankful that I had friends like them who were willing to stick by me. I let myself drift off to sleep, the small noises coming from the T.V a comfort to me.

Adrianna’s POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
            I ran and fell onto the hard wooden floor of the shitty motel me and Billie had stayed in.
            I needed to get outside; I needed to get into that fight. I pushed myself up and ran out into the warm air that made the early morning bearable.
            A massive crowd of men and women surrounded me. A circle formed and I smiled, the burning building behind me only seemed to excite me further.
            I looked around at the faces before me; one of these Castaway gang members had killed my sister, my mother and my father too. The news of her death had sent me over the edge; I jumped a little up and down on the spot.
            “Who’s up first, wankers?” A black guy came up to me with a brick in his hand. I punched him in the wrist making him drop the brick. “No weapons.”
            As we began to fight, I wondered idly if Billie would ever know that I was about to get the revenge we both wanted.