Black Lies

Chapter 4: Confused Much

I was in a state of depression. I was looking for attention. I thought being gay meant nothing but sex, sex, sex. I would do anything for the attention of a man. I almost even went on Facebook and started messaging random guys. I almost went through with meeting up with one. That was until somebody showed me the light. My sister. She stopped me from doing something stupid. She told me that I could've been hurt, murdered, kidnapped, or anything. All because of what? Love, attention, and quick dick. She saved me from the whole I was in. She was the only family member that actually cared for me. I thought nobody else did, because I distanced myself from them. Out of all the guys I talked too, I was left hurting and longing from someone or something to feel that void. Since Vontae and Donovan were only popcorn, I had to find something. The internet helped, not for the online messaging, but for what was the sexual side. Porn. I didn't know what to watch. The internet had so many possibilities. Guy on guy, Girl on Guy, Girl on Girl. So many choices, so many choices. I was attracted to all 3 weirdly. I would watch it constantly, every hour of everyday, I thought I was an addict. But Tiger Tyson, Castro, and Marc Williams could only satisfy little pleasure. I wanted to see something real. The only person that gave me that feeling was Donovan.

Besides the flirty text messages that we sent, me and Donovan tried something different. Sexting. It was knew, but it was basically sending each other dirty pictures of ourselves to each other. It felt real. It made me feel alive. I thought that after we did that, then we would have became an official couple. Well I wrong. He didn't want, "I have no desire in being in a relationship." Then what was I, your whore, your release, your Friday delight. I hated him after that. He used me like I was some tool he could use when he felt like it. I was a bitch to him, his stripper, his Novacane. When he wasn't talking to other girls or guys, he was talking to me. I couldn't let him go because we were friends, but he stopped talking to me for 3 months. I guess I was used up. Expired. I was left angry and confused.

The months after I stopped fucking with Donovan, more and more people at my knew school started to discover me. I was the main attraction. Most people couldn't believe that I was Gay, many thought it was a sick joke. I was the first Gay Kid out of my class. I was the talk of everybody's conversation at lunch. Strangely people respected me. Just not most of the guys. They thought I would rape them. Not true. I have to admit, some of them were hot, but rape is such a strong word. You kept hearing rumours of who was gonna come out next. Especially that was the talk that me and my friends made at our lunch table. Jade, Rachel, my new friends Amyre, Makayla, Kenricka, and Lea had a discussion about it. "I think there are some undercover people in here.", Jade said. "O yeah there are, Demetrius can't be the only one", Kenricka said. "I was actually one of the first people he told, I ever hated him,", Rachel said. "So you are strictly Dickly?", Kenricka said to me. "Did anybody see where my lunch bag went?", Makayla said randomly. Lea watched in hesitation of my answer. "I think its on the floor", Amyre said. "I think that I am, I have just had an increase in attraction to guys." I told her. Lea almost chocked on his drink he was sipping. Lunch was almost over and I decided to walk with Jade and Rachel. "I think Lea is gay", I told them on the walk to class. "Really, no I don't think so", Rachel. "I can see it, look at the way he walks, and his mannerisms.", Jade said. "Has he had any Girlfriends in the past? Or Boyfriends? Ha", I asked them. "Well he tried to get with me, but I said no.", Rachel told us. "I knew him for a long time, but really didn't know his relationships.", Jade said. All of a sudden, we got this strange vibe from behind and when we turned to looked the person ran past us. "What the fuck was that!?" "Was he listening in on our convo?" "Freaky. Dumb ass damn hallways." We continued on our way to class. Soon after class I went to my locker, I received some note inside that read, "If you want to know the truth then come to the guy restroom at 3:05." Hell naw, I'm not going, this is obvious a trap from one of the guys in the school. Then, as I was closing my locker, I read some scribble on my locker. "Suck my dick bitch." "Go home fag" "Sinner" "Retard Faggot" "FMOI @play_bunni" I hated this school so much. That note kept making me question. The truth about what, about who. When was this put in there. 3:00 hit and I had to pee. I forgot about the letter before I went into the bathroom. When I turned around from using the urinal, a creepy kid was standing there. "You actually came." "No, I had to pee. Who are you?" "Does it matter, do you want the information on Lea or not?" Lea, that's what this was all about. I wasn't too sure, I could be digging myself a grave, I mean, I did watch Pretty little Liars and I did not like the look of this scene. "I don't know if I should..." "It's got to do something with his sexuality" Now you peaked my curiosity. "I know also that you like him." "What? No I don't. How did you know that weirdo?" I didn't tell anybody that. I admit Lea was kinda cute. He was tall, wore glasses, and had the fattest ass I ever seen. I especially liked when he would accidently drop his pencil and he would bend over.. Not the point. "I know my ways, do you want the information or not?" "Sure, what's in it for me?" "You'll know when the time comes." He told me the info, "Apparently back in freshman year, someone asked to see his I-pod and the found pictures of dicks on it." "O my god, really?" "You gotta be better in hiding that shit." "But that not all, some said that he has more shit on his phone and tablet." "No shit." This definitely clarified for me. "Thanks man, but I would still like to know your name, I can see your face and remember what you look like." It turns out that this was the kid that bumped into us in the hall. "You'll found out in time, sweet face." he smiled and left the bathroom, put back on his hood and left the school. "I know him from somewhere, but I can't put my finger on it." I found out that Lea was gay or bi and this mystery guy called me sweet face.