How do you walk away from somebody that you love? How do you just end? How do things just quit, you lose each other. Why did I feel like a dirty rag kept in the back of a closet just to be used again when someone feels like using it. I honestly beat myself up everyday for the way how things ended. I look in the mirror and I don't see myself. There was only one person I cared about, and he walked away. I thought I changed, I thought I became someone different. I did, but I thought I changed for the good.
By know you know who I am speaking of. I'll get to him in a sec. But now I want to talk about someone else. Someone I thought I put the past behind, but I couldn't. Back in 8th grade, I was new to the other side of the school building where 8th graders were suppose to be. I stopped a, who I thought was a teacher, and asked him for directions. He told me how to find my classroom and also told me that my uniform pants were the wrong school attire. I told him that I would change them and he walked off. Well in the midst of him walking, I noticed his ass. It was big, tan, and switching every time he walked. I was turned on and my dick instantly got hard. He turned around and he had a sexy smile. I ran in the bathroom to re-adjust and I went off to class. One day I decided to wear my new hat that I had just bought. Well my friend, not so friend more acquaintance, guy named Jeremy took it and he got in trouble with it. I went and asked him, "Where's my hat?". He said, "Cooper took it.". "Who the hell is Cooper?" He said, "The new dean of students, he's the guy in the main building." So that's the big ass sexy smile guy. I wet to him immediately and tried to get my hat back. I walked in, he was a little shocked, but he said, "Is this yours?" "Yes it is." He said to close the door. I didn't know why, but I was aroused by the way he said it. Right then and there, I went up to him and kissed and grabbed his dick through his pants. But, it was only a daydream. "Why do you have this on school property and giving it to other students?" "I don't know, he asked to see it, and I was going to put it in my locker as soon as I got in." "Well first off you shouldn't share your hat, that's how you get lice, and second don't bring this back." "Alright sir, by the way what's your name?" "Cooper". I was getting ready to walk out the door then I noticed he bent over to pick up something he knocked over. What a view. He noticed that I was looking at him and he smiled back at me. Later at lunch he came around with the can to pick up trash. He came by me and started to smile at me. The other kids were teasing me saying to smack his ass. I couldn't nor did I want to... at that time. I eventually did when I went back into the office. He came by and got some papers and I grabbed his ass. He jumped and he told me to come in his office for a second. He said to close the door and I did. "I know what you just did their." "What my hand slipped." "Look, I know your a teen with emotions and your hormones are running through. I know you may have urges, but don't act on them." Right then and there I acted out my daydream and kissed him. It was inappropriate I know, but neither of us stopped. I picked him up and put him on his desk as we kissed some more. I wanted to stop, but my body was telling me to keep going. "Look, your a good, nice kid and all, and as much as this would be good for the both of us, this isn't right." "Look I saw you from day 1 and I wanted you. but if you say so then I'll stop." Cooper was a fine ass guy, but I couldn't do anything that would jeopardize his job and my school work. I wouldn't consider that being a pedophile because I wanted it, but then again I was going through some changes.
I forgot every piece of that moment. I was a changed man. I grew up. I was in college, trying to at least find work. I had a great guy, but he fell off the face of the Earth. Donovan was the one that seems to disappear without a trace. I know that I couldn't be with Donovan until he would've changed and been more of an adult. He was a little boy playing children's' games. I wanted to give him an ultimatum, either me, or none of me at all. I wasn't going to kept doing the same song and dance. I got advice from all of my friends. One side says, leave him alone and don't fuck with him. The other says, that's the one, that's your man, keep him, talk it out. How was I going talk to someone who didn't even want to text me in the first place.
I had another dream with this mystery man. I just picked up my daughter from practice in some sport, She asked me how was daddy doing and what were we eating for dinner. I told her baked chicken and vegetables and that he was fine. I walked through the door of the house. My Siberian husky dog greeted both of us with open arms and joy. I walked in and went into the question. I said, "Hey baby", and as just as I was going up to grab him by the waist and kiss him, my son came up and hugged me. I was waiting for him to turn around and as soon as he did, I woke up.
Different day, same shit. Change had to be made in my love life, some way.
YOU ARE READING
Black Lies
Novela JuvenilThe real story of a boy turned man, the struggle of being who he is, surrounded by people who lie behind his back. The story of a man, being a man, and wanting his truth.This is the truth, my truth.
