Black Lies

Chapter 6: The Return of Love and Hip Hop

When I was around the age of 15, when I was discovering myself, I had developed a taste for different music. Me being black, I was suppose to listen to Rap, HipHop, and Gospel music. I was put in that box. I decided that if I'm stepping out the box, I might as well step out of my personality. I decided to listen to different music and up my style.  I branched out and listened to other music such as Pop, Rock, Country, Blues, and all other kinds. One artist made me feel comfortable with myself. I was goo goo for her. Lady Gaga. Her style of pop kept me going. Her videos were weird and different. I especially liked two of her songs, "Alejandro" and "Bad Romance". Mainly because they were weird, and also because some of the guys were kinda cute. I loved all of her songs, she was just amazing. I guess you could say that she helped me identify myself. In some way.

After starting the new year and meeting a new guy, my life was fantastic. Except for school, the grades got to me and my relationship. I broke things off with Bryce. I blamed it on my grades, but that wasn't the only reason.

January 18, 2013 5:00 P.M. I receive a text on my phone from a number I deleted. It reads, "Hey". What the hell. Who in the hell is texting me? Your number is blocked which could mean 1 thing, you were either a lost friend, or an Ex. I knew it wasn't Vontae because I tried to talk to him after doing a dumb mistake by Facebook messaging him my number and he never replied. I knew it wasn't Lea because I never got his number really. Please don't let it be him. For Gods sake please don't. I reply being curious, "Who is this?". I waited in anticipation for the next message. My phone vibrates, "Its Donovan." My worst nightmares came true. I didn't respond, I just stared at my phone. Its 2013 and this fool decide to text me? You got me fucked the fuck up. I was done with you 5 months ago. I decided to stick to my word and never talk to him. January 27, 2013 11:00 P.M. Another text from him, "Wassup". I decided not to respond again. The second time. February 3, 2013 "Hey Whats Up, text me". Him again for the third damn time. All I had on my mind was Bryce. Fuck you dude. February 15, 2013 1:00 A.M. "Hey Demetrius". Four is a no, still no. February 20, 2013. What could he possibly want now. I decided not to even look at my damn phone, its fucking 1 in the morning. March 8, 2013 6:00 P.M. I was at an event that the yearbook team was holding. It was a videogame night for some fellow nerds and gamers like myself. Rachel and Jade were there with me enjoying the games. I was playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii and I was feeling myself. I here my phone vibrate. "Rachel can you get that?, Dancing right now." "Yeah sure." He face goes cold. "Who is it Bryce?, I'll text him later." "No, worse, its Donovan!" "Why is Donovan texting you, I thought you were done with him?", Jade said. "I am, he was just texting me consistently for the past 3 months." Rachel said, "Well he said, "Hey", do you want to respond?" It was a good question, he was just going to continue to keep texting. He was not going to stop in no way shape or form. "Yeah go ahead and textin him for me." Rachel knew me well enough to text for me, she knows just the thing I would say. Jade added, "Tell him to fuck off." I laughed a little. "Rachel you know, and Jade you crazy haha." I went to the bathroom to wipe off my sweat from the dancing. On the way I was just thinking, Why did he want to talk to me so bad? You gave up on me 6 months ago. We stopped talking for sure. I moved on and found somebody better. In the midst of me walking back in, they both look up and said, "You got another text, its from Bryce." Two guys in one night, this is what I dream of. I never had that happen to me before. Two guys feeling me at the same damn time. I felt special. How was I gonna handle this? "Don't worry about Bryce right now, focus on Donovan, what has he said so far?" "He asked what you were doing, I told him at a school event.", Rachel said. "Then he said, that that was cool and if you wanted to maybe hang soon?", Jade said. This was the first time that I was confused. Donovan, the rapper and dancer, the man that broke my heart is trying to get back with me. I found someone new though. Someone who actually cared for me, someone that I never had feelings like that for in awhile. Bryce was a man of my dreams. Donovan was my... He was my lover. I had a feeling on him that I never felt before. He was the guy I could never get over. He knew my brain and how it worked. He knew how to play the game. "I told them to hand me phone. I packed my shit up and left. Later that night, I continued to text Donovan. He said," You know I miss you right?" "Yeah I know, and I miss you too." He text back, "Aww that's sweet, so when am I going to see you?" "When do you have time, I can chill at your house." "Okay cool, im down" What did I get myself into. I never felt like this before. I felt as though those little words he said made me forget about all the bad shit he did to me. He hurt me deep, so deep, I swore to never love again. But, it felt so right. He came back into my life, and I was happy about that. Bryce texted me the next day later at night. "Hey baby." What was I suppose to do, suppose to say to him? "Hey baby, how was your day?" Bryce was a good man, I mean good morning messages, goodnight messages, texted me in class when he knew he could've gotten his phone token away, sending me pictures of other things, almost going over his house. With Donovan, he connected with me on a mental and emotion level, it felt as though we were the same person. We texted each other until probably 2:00 A.M. When 2:30 hit, Donovan texted me. I could not get any sleep. "Hey sexy, I was thinking about you." I could not catch a break. He brought his inner sweet side out. This was new for him. Luckily it was the weekend and I didn't have school, but I still need sleep. I had a dream later that night. I was in Vegas, I was in a tux, my friends were there. I was walking down the aisle, there was a man dressed as Elvis and someone turned around. He was the man I was going to marry. As soon as he was going to turn around, I heard my phone ring and I woke up. It was my dad telling me to help bring in the groceries. I was so pissed. I tried to go back to sleep and figure out who was the man. I couldn't; I got up got the groceries and the mail. My report card came in. Disappointment in my face.

Before I broke things off with Bryce, I broke things off with Donovan. He was a little pissed, but he understood. Bryce... Well... No comment.

Prom came for me, it was the most wonderful thing in my life. I had thought about taking Bryce. I couldn't. I thought about taking Donovan. He wasn't comfortable with it, mostly with himself. I went with my girl Amyre. We wore white, we looked like an actual couple. Well at prom, people started to question it. Are they a couple? I thought he was gay? He's Bi now?! Who's that girl he's with? She's gorgeous. They look like they are getting married. It was the night of my life. I was in the running for prom king. I was hoping to get either or, but whatever. I didn't win but I had the time of my life.

Someone also made an impression on me too. Lea. He actually brought a girl. I was shocked. Lea was a looker but my friends were thinking he was going to ask me to prom. The girl was just his play sis from another school.

Lea was another guy that returned back into my life. May 15, 2013 I lost my virginity to this guy. We went of somewhere after school and did it. It was my first time, but I knew he did it before, with guys and girls. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. Kenricka explained some things to me before, actually awhile back about sex with guys. She asked me if I was a top or a bottom. Funny, Donovan asked me the same question. I told her I was versatile, I had a big ass so like to take it, but I also have a, TV remote size, so I like to give. It was a weird thing for gays, if you were a top it meant you were the "male" or it meant you were masculine, if you were a bottom, it meant you were the "woman". I did not care either for or, if the dick is good then its good. It doesn't matter if you give or you take, both of you guys are guys regardless. But, continuing, in the time me and Bryce were over, I got my grades back up. Me and Lea started talking more. I was flirting with him a little while in school and he told me, "If I could, I would kiss you right now." "I thought you didn't like me, I was a joke?" "I was ignorant, I wasn't sure of myself. I know now I like you." We later went on a fieldtrip to a museum and we kissed a lot while in there. We finally talked it out and we decided to do it. So it was going around the 15 and we decided to do it that day. I was scared at first, but I saw enough porn to know how its suppose to go. He wasn't the best kisser, but he was definitely the bottom. I fucked him for a minute, then he fucked me. It was a good time, wasn't the best time, but a good time. I felt empowered, I felt like a man. I was sure I was into guys now. Vagina who? After me and Lea got done we texted each other. We even met me afterschool in the parking lot. He proposed a question to me, "How would fell about getting into a relationship?" "I don't know right now" "Well... It wouldn't be just us, it would also have to be a girl involved." What the fuck? I do not share. In the words of Tamar Braxton, He as in him as in I, don't do that. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable about doing that." Then, he said something even more stupid. "Well, how about this, if I fid somebody else that I like while were in a relationship, I'll have to leave you for them." "Did you basically say you would cheat on me and leave me for someone else?" I could not believe him. I slapped the shit out of him and walked away. I couldn't. Out of all the shit I been through. I would be basically a fuck dummy. You have a lot to learn my friend. After that day, I just saw him as a friend. I never regretted the moment, just wish I could've kept it for a little longer.

After prom, hit graduation, and just for the summer chilled with my friends and tried to get ready for college. Over the summer, I thought I hit rock bottom, but it turned out to be a really, really interesting summer.

Looking back, I have become a very stronger person. I dreamt another dream. It was me walking down a long hall. I kept walking till I saw a person. It was 14 year old me crying in front of a door. He turned to me and said, "Why am I like this, I don't know who I am." I didn't know what to say except, "You are Demetrius Brooks, I bright young boy with so much potential. Do not be scared of what lies in front of you. Just open the door and you can start living for yourself. You will come in contact with trouble on the way through the door, but just continue on the path straight ahead. Your lucky and special. Because I am you and you are me." We both held hands and walked the door together.

I woke up. With a smile on my face ready for the next challenge in my life, and boy was it a major one.