"Yoona.. Listen to me." I said excitedly. I put both of my hands on her lap and act afluttered.
"What? You looked so happy! Common' spill it out." She said eagerly. She stood as if an emergency was applauding. Her eyes widened. She came near me as if waiting for me to tell me the 6 numbers that just won the lottery.
"We date." Grinning widely I said.
"What?! With whom?" Yoona showed up an expression of a complete shock on her face. Her eyes were showing suspicion, I wonder why.
I just smiled.
"Don't tell me it's..." She gasped.
I smiled again and showed up a twinkling eyes. Like a puppy begging for food.
"Oh my God Ara!! I am happy for you." Her face turned into an expression I don't know whether she really is happy or not. But that's no longer important. The important thing now is that I finally found someone whom I can lean with. And.. I already told to my bestfriend the goodnews. I hope it's really a good one.
〰
Yoona seemed to be ungrateful. I just wanna know why. I want to confront her. But my inner self telling me not to. And so, I just ignored what happened. The expression she showed up, everything. A sudden smile was painted on my face. I smiled unendingly thinking that thought of Nick and I- US and how we'll possibly enter the world-web of love... together.
I was like screwed on the floor after gotten into my past self.
A vague images popped into my head. Flashback started wiping myself again on the reality I am holding onto. I can see again the nightmare I had been before.
〰Flashback〰
I'm mourning. Crying in deep pain. Sitted on the floor. Hugging the body of my father. Weak. Wounded. Bleeding. It reminded me again how that scenario floated and grasped me to be unaware of the world I thought a better one. World without people who purposely doing deeds to sustain and satisfy their hunger and selfish desires. I heared my father whispering. "Ara..". I immediately hugged him and said: "Please father. Don't leave us. You know how bereaved I was knowing that my brother was killed 3 years ago. We only have the three of us. Please.. Don't leave us." Crying. Crying so hard. Hardly catching my breath. My father dropped off his hand. I yelled: "Faaaaaaatheeeeeer!" His body was as cold as an ice. He's dead. Anger. Disbelief. Vengeance. Words continued popping. I will.. I will never let this be left ignored.
〰
It's hard for me to took off those experienced I had on my past. It is a terrifying moments. Moments I can no longer escaped. It is hard to trust. My father and brother did trust others so deeply that led them to their death. I and my mother was left grief-stricken. We only have the two of us now. My mom kept on telling me that I shouldn't trust anyone. That the only person whom I can only trust with is the person I am with 100% of my time- which is myself.
Thinking about putting myself into an unsure relationship. I don't know whom to trust with. My brain who dictates me what's right and must- that I shouldn't go beyond my limit. Or my heart telling me to be strong enough and brave enough to allow myself, even just for once, to learn also the in-dept meaning of sacrifice- sacrifice for love, for the person I know would never betray me. Nick would never betray me.
〰
NICOLAI
It was a magical night. I was right with my decisions. I was just amazed how she forgot that I am the man she came to bumped with 2 years ago. The man who told her to stop following him. Her eyes were dull and lonely at that moment. I can see through it how she wanted to escape the world around her. I still have thay look on her face painted on my mind. And so, I was blinded before. And now I hated myself for blinding my heart for what love really meant. And I laughed as my heart pounded. For the second time. The first time was the time I walked towards her. I can still remember that time I saw her following me- how the hot weather turned into a spring. The environment started to bloom. The hot air turned into a cold breeze. I walked towards her. Hiding any feelings. Keeping my heart untouched. But I was wrong. You can never outwit your heart. Your heart knows better than you do. You can never control your fate. And meeting Ara is my fate.
Before, I thought love was fake. That love is just a thought everyone only inlove with. I was wrong again. Ara taught me that what I thought as love- that wasn't real until you actually met them. I never felt such feelings before. Until I met you Ara. You taught me how to love.
I am now sure with my feelings. To whom my heart beats. It's for her. She is the every beat of my heart. She's the life I am longing for so long. I needed her the way I needed air- she was like an oxygen that keeps me alive. She's the one. The one I am looking for.
Ara.. You opened my eyes to a night full of star. That night we're on the circus. You made me so damn happy. I am happy I met you. I'm happy I saw you on the morning of October, 2 years ago, and let me realized that love at first sight does exists and everyone can be brave to allow themselves be part of this thing they called love.
I remember everything- every single detail about us. I just hope she knew.
ARA
"Ara, Can we talk?" My mom said as she opened the door of my room.
"Of course mother, come sit beside me." I replied willingly.
"Are you ok? Are you not feeling imprisoned as I constrained you to be isolated? I'm your mom. I just wanted what's best for you." Tears started to fall on my mother's eye. I can feel the pain on her chest. And so I hugged her. "No mother. I understand everything. That's why I obeyed you. I know mom. I know.." I said and hugged her tighter and added: "I Love You mom."
〰
I was fully aware what kind of relationship I was getting myself into.
I fell deeper . Deeper than it should.
So I asked myself, why? Was it because the things he said? Or the things he did for me? Partly, yes. But I guess it was mostly because of the things I've done. I did those without a plan. Nevertheless,I know I wouldn't regret on this one. I don't even have to doubt on him, because, because of him, I am happy. A one-of-a-kind happiness I haven't felt before.
We started dating. Over and over again. We were always together. After the Training Session for the debate, we were always together whenever possible. We started to change tweets and messages, may it be 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning. We were okay with the thought we have no idea what it was. No labels. No commitments.
Until he..
