He asked me. For the second time, to go out.
We went to the Amusement park in the Plaza. We did couply things. Planned to wear same color of shirts. Share with ice cream and drinks. Walk around. Meanwhile, I felt him touching my hand. Little by little. I can feel how the electrical charge started to boozed every DNAs found in my entire being. I can feel butterflies fluttering inside my stomach. And hold my breath until he finally held it.
We walked as if a couple. It was amazing.
We played games found at the amusement park. That gun thing and when you finally rough down each soldier toy about a thumb in height.. you'll win stuffed toy. And he did. And gave me that stuffed animal. Of course, we never missed to do the helium voice. It's the first time I heard him laugh.
When we finally felt a little bit tired, we sat side by side while watching the fireworks display at night and he inch by inch moves closer to me.
Most of the things happened was a cliché.
This is it. I thought to myself.
I startled as he started looking at me fiercely. His eyes stunning. He slowly moving up his hand and removed the eyeglasses on my face. "You're beautiful." He whispered. I can feel now the thing they called Premature Ventricular Contraction- how my heart skipped a beat. I can hear my heart saying his name. Is this how to experience love beyond the bounderies of cliché moments? It's more than the word magical. Is this for real? Because all that I can feel now is that, whenever his around, I can be myself, to be just me.
This is a wish come true- the thing I wanted to have a long ago. All the pain causing my suffering, disappeared. The wall I created after my father died broke off. I vowed to myself not to feel anything on someone because of having the fear of losing someone important again. I closed my heart to anyone. But he opened and set it free using his wonderful love as the key. I was once lost. And he found me. He saw me as I am. And I was just so grateful.
I came to the point where I realized that I am already inlove with him. After all that had happened, he turned everything okay. All my loneliness and dullness that was kept years on every fiber of my existence, he found his way to take all those away. He saved me from drowning on the darkness. Now, I no longer mind about the possible consequences of this. It doesn't matter of what might happened as I allowed myself to love.
Nicolai made me believe that it's ok to love- to sometimes try to love. He made me realized that love was coupled with pain, but that's part if it. That's the irony of love. Because love is not being happy throughout the time. Instead, it's a part of holding on, a part to discover newfangled matters, a part to learn that LOVE is a test on how two person can stay up strong no matter how crucial the situation is.
〰
I received a gift coming from Nicolai. A little bear carrying bouquet wrapped with transparent gift wrapper. A letter also was found on the wrapper.
Ara,
Be at the abandoned grocery found
at the back of our school.
7p.m See you there.
Nick ☺️
I was so excited to be there. I wonder what it was. Is it a surprise again? Oh' common Nick, you never failed to make me smile.
〰
One hour before 7, I started preparing. Cramming at my room to what whould I wear. I ended up wearing my black jeans and peach 3/4s blouse.
7 p.m
"Nick.. Nick.." I kept on calling. But no one is there. No one is answering. I bring out my phone to call him but the number is unattended. Cannot be reach. And I decided to leave when suddenly someone held my hand to stop me from walking. I looked back to know who that person was..
