I stayed at my room for how many days.
I really don't want to pursue these pain I am feeling. It was like a phantom limb pain. I felt so broken inside. It hurts so much that I can't breathe and I wonder if the pain would ever fade away. I ask myself- while looking at the mirror, what went wrong that everything suddenly turned cold, but all I get is a question left unanswered.
How I wish things just go back to the way they were. I blink multiple times just to check if all of this was a dream, but nothing changes. In lieu, what had changes was my refection on the mirror. I can see myself doing deviance. Evil manner wanted to control me. My dark alter ego asking me to surrender myself and be freed from all the pains I am wishing to vanished. In declined, I broke the mirror. My mother rushed to my bedroom but what she only witnessed was me- Me on the floor. Slumbered.
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It seemed that my other self- the dark one- knows where to prey my weaknesses. I talked to myself again. Get the mirror and started to deviate my own self, which, ultimately throwing me to my other self- which for so long- asking me to exchange with her and be freed to the vacancies which- unconsciously- dropped me off to confusion and, led the line between reality and imaginary views blurs and created a way to an apparent insanity.
I laughed so hard without having to laugh about. My altered persona started to have a mind of her own. Consciously, controlling and setting my mind to be traumatized.
I went to the bathroom to looked at myself. I felt untouched. Sacred. Forbidden. I can barely think a thought to have a life of my own- and act outside having my concious control. For I now believed that my frigid self was not suitable to world I'm living and therefore needed intentionally to let my other self consumed my totality- to be twisted. My metamorphosis of my other- evil self is the perfect entity to live with perfection, to be bearable with my existence to this multi faceted world, to meet this, I needed to allow my dark alter persona to take part in transcendence.
Duality, releases a lot of effort to took me off on my state- of having ignorance on this world.
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Rest. Is what my doctor told me what to do to loose all the tension- that- slowly consuming my fragile self.
After my check up, I walked going home, and came to cross path with my other self, walking alternatively and dressed totally like what I'm wearing. Frightened. I panicked and went home in an instant.
I look for my mother, but no one answered. I went to my room. Again, started to talk to myself on the mirror.
Depression made everything worst. The moment I looked at the mirror, I saw my other soul. Abandoned. I can see my self withering. Asking for help. Deteriorating- she looked at me pleading- looked intensely gone insane- led astray. The good side found inside the mirror; my reflection, again, was sinking below. No. This can't be. I help her. Lend my hand. But unexpectedly, she came out of the mirror. Gladly she was, she looked at me with a serious looked and laughed evilly. She looked at the table beside my bed, and there, found my pen, rapidly, she ran and grabbed the pen and started to stabbed me. Not just once but many times- until seemingly smothered me and I fell asleep.
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I woke up on the floor.
I rubbed my eyes and act frightened as I remembered what happened last night. I check my stomach which was stabbed by my other self, but sees it normal. No blood. Neither wound. So, the fight that had happened last was a complete imagination. I also checked my pen on my table place beside the bed- it was there. Untouched. -which, not by chance, convinced me that the encounter last night was just all hallucinations.
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Acting freakishly continued many times. Every now and then, my other self executes evil acts towards myself.
