Lost Until I Found You

O N E || Just The Beginning

i hate when she looks at me that way. Her eyes cold as they roll back, her face pale annoyance clearly on her face. She doesnt want to be bothered and she is not to be recken with. Flames is the best description messing with her is like pouring gasoline on her making the fire bigger and worst. But then moments later her eyes show a warmth and her smile lights up the room the glint of sadness and anger is still visible. she wont allow herself to show you too much of how she feels but its all in her eyes. the hurt the frustration the annoyance and most of all the disappointment from what she thought she had escaped.... her past.

Bleu

Standing there in the window was my distraught mother, we had been motel hopping ever since the landlord kicked us out last month honestly i don't understand why the bills weren't paid i mean it was a cheap 175 a month, and i worked a couple extra shifts this month at the cafe.

   She had a job but they fired her after she called an employee a 'blood sucking scum bag' and spilled coffee in her wig. that left her jobless and homeless.

  i tried helping out by getting two jobs but having them and going to school isnt the easiest. My dad you ask?.. He's most likely with his mistress of the month. he left us a year a go for my nanny Ms. Nuaiko. she was a nice asian lady with a rack bigger than canada. it was hard not to stare.

  we lived perfectly back then, classic family. white picket fence, mother/housewive , cheating father and of course the offspring that get great grade takes or the family business and makes sure not to mess up the family name.

  Outside appearance was everything. Smile brightly to cover up the pain. no one can see whats behind it. eyes squinted so nobody could see your vulnerability that one was specifically for mom.

  i hated how he ridiculously her made her feel like nothing less than a filthy wife he only needed to ' fulfill his outside appearance' Classic huh? classic for a white family. My dad is white my mom hispanic and black, it wasnt peachy growing up. My dad was married before my mom. and she was actually his mistress and he divorced his ex-wife for her. he said her reputation would be bad if he was caught having a baby out of wedlock that would bring disgrace upon the family name and he would never forgive her.
foolishly all she wanted was his love and affection and never has he ever truly given her that he gave her 2 children and left us high and dry. nothing new considering he wasnt there anyway.

there i lay in the bed sister spreading across my lap as i watch the roach crawl on the wall. My mom turns around, i quickly shut my eyes hoping she didn't see me, and jus as i hoped she didnt see me but before i closed my eyes i saw a glimpse of her stressed face. wrinkle forehead eyes low from all the driving we've done to escape everything we once had.  Maybe this journey wont be so bad...