I'm in bed writing this and I can hear what sounds like cats fighting I'm terrified oml.
friday 9th april 2007
I don't know what to think anymore.
You can stop reading if you'd like, Carol, because it gets slightly graphic.
So I had put my book down and curled into the covers, my eyes closing when the door slammed open. It made me jump - not that neither of the boys cared.
The man who was with Josh (I still don't know his name) had his hands splayed over Josh's cheek, the latter's back pressed against the wall and they were kissing.
It wasn't full of passion and love like I'd expected, but hungry and wild.
When they made their way into the kitchen, past me, the man strokes my face. I couldn't help but flinch, but kept my eyes closed and my breathing steady.
Then he slapped me.
He was laughing, and it stung. It stung so bad, so bloody bad, Carol, and I wanted to scream. I was just biting, biting, biting the inside of my cheek, struggling to contain screams - whether screams of pain or longing or just pure wailing, I still don't know. And the worst part?
Josh did nothing.
Nothing. Nil. Zero. Absolutely, positively nothing.
Except laugh, too, of course.
And it hurts.
It hurts in my heart, more than anything my mind or my parents or the people at school have ever made me feel. And I cried - I still am, for that matter. Sobbing, on my bed, rocking back and forth.
I came home with a tear soaked face and a red hand mark on my cheek. I couldn't even explain to Zach before he raced over to Josh's house, Diego following him.
They're still not back. I don't know what's going on. Why does this always happen, Carol?
Why? Every time, every bloody time I get happy, something ruins it. There's nothing left for me, not in this world.
I hope the inter dimensional Tyler Joseph is having a happy life, because I'm not.
~ Tyler Joseph.
