Friend Zoning Alfie Deyes (Zalfie)

Leeds

I lay there, crying, whilst Joe holds me close. “We can’t stay here!” I exclaim through the sobs. “I know. That’s why I’ve been out. I’ve find an apartment in Leeds. And it’s right across from Caspar and Alfie’s apartment!” he says, his eyes shining. "I didn't know they moved to Leeds?" I say, confused, seeing as Alfie had told me he had applied for London. "They got a mix up. Apparently he's supposed to be attending Leeds University, but he thought it was London", Joe explains.  I dredge up a weak smile. I never knew Alfie and Joe had gotten so close in so little time. "I better start packing", he says. "I better start filming a new video", I say with a sigh. I haven't uploaded in a while. "Are you sure you want to?" Joe asks. I nod. "My viewers are what keep me sane", I whisper. Joe nods, and disappears. I set up my camera, lights and tripod, suddenly very nervous. I hit record, fix a smile on my face, and wave. "Hello everyone, so today I want to talk about controlling and abusive relationships....."

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Your video has been uploaded.

I sigh. Now I get to relax. That's a joke. Even the slightest sound makes me jump or flinch. My body begins to tremble as the memories flood back. I go to the mirror and stare at my reflection. I see a small girl, with dead eyes. A bruised down one cheek, barely any make-up, pale skin, a body covered in bruises. There's no trace of Zoe Sugg, the happy, smiley girl I knew before. Instead there's a strange changeling. And I hate her. I hate everything about her. The way her stomach bulges, the way her eyes are dead. The way she's numb inside. A sharp thought shoots through my mind, and I cross into the bathroom. I take out one of Joe's razors, take a deep breath, and drag the razor across my thigh. It hurts, but it feels kind of relaxing. I cut three more lines before placing a towel on my cuts. I clean Joe's razor before walking back to my room. I open my email, to find a rush of comments on my video. I read through them all, tears splashing on my cheeks. There's so many touching stories so simaliar to mine. I open my Youtube, to discover that I have a few PMs. Most of them are self advirtisement, but there's one that frightens me. That frightens me beyond repair.

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Half an hour later, just as I'm recovering from my latest meltdown, I hear the door slam. "Zoe! I'm back! And I bought fish and chips", Joe yells from the kitchen. I never notice he was gone. "I'm not hungry!" I yell back, which is a lie. In fact, I'm starving. But I've decided that fatty foods won't help anything. "Are you sure?" Joe asks, coming into my room. I don't bother looking up from my laptop. "Yeah I'm sure. Look, pop it in the fridge and I'll eat it later. Ok?" I say, even though I know I won't. Joe nods, staring at me for a few seconds, then he leaves.  

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Gripping my phone tightly, I step into our shiny new apartment. It smells fresh, clean. I lean against the wall, hoping I won't have a panic attack. The removel truck men move to and fro, bringing in our furniture. I investigate the bedrooms, and call dibs on the biggest one. I move in my stuff, unpacking my make-up and clothes. Once I'm done, I set up my camera, fix my make-up and hit record. "Hello everyone! So, I have moved, seeing as Finn and I are no longer an item. So, I present to you...Room Tour!"

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(I seem to be doing the starry thing a lot oops)

Once I'm done recording, my (fake) smile fades. My stomach rumbles with hunger, but I ignore it. I regret I didn't apply for uni. Suddenly, a thought slides across my mind. I get ready, get my car, and go.

~~~

Half an hour later, I'm in the studio of the local ballet school, tying my hair back in a tight bun. I tie up my shoes and head over to the bar to practise my excersises. After a few minutes, all my worries have floated away. I walk over to the CD player, and hit the play button.  I let the music flow through me, and begin.

Hey peeps. Sorry I didn't have time to edit this.