Gone

Once Again

Used, abused, and broken once again
Feeling like the struggle will never end
She looks like a warm, sandy beach
However, the hurricane inside is stirring
The winds inside of her are blowing fast
Calm on the outside she may seem,
with a passing storm on the inside
That only she can see
Calmed by the touch of the moon
Which to her looked like the sun
Surrounded by twinkling stars

Brightness in darkness
Heaven in her Hell
You were the right in her wrong.
To you she was merely just another
Broken seashell along the shore
You picked up those broken pieces,
Trying to mend what another had broke
Only to do what you know best
You take that seashell and you throw it back
Into the ocean where that seashell belongs
This time, it returned home more broken.

Lying to have her lie with you
Taking the innocence in her soul
Sitting there on the floor,
She wept to you all of her fears.
All of her feelings pouring out in that moment
Thinking that you were there for her
To hold her
To help her through.
She spilled to you
Things she would never tell anyone
Not even her closest friend

Why she trembled when touched
Why she pushes people out
How she was scared out o her fucking mind
Because she loved you so much
And she knew what losing would do to her.
You claimed that she scared you
Just as much as you had her
If not much more
You told her how she drove you insane
You built her up
Just to break her down

Even though committed by vows
You still played a good game,
Making her believe every last word
Was probably the toughest
Telling her that those vows were burned
That she could finally yours
And you could be hers
To be with the girl you claimed would make you happy
She would bring out the best in you.
In reality, she was just another opportunity
Someone who wanted more than the physical
Someone who cherished emotion,
Scared the Hell out of you
That is why you left.

She was finally fucking happy
She even told you that every time she was happy,
It had been ripped away from her.
At that moment,
When she said she was so God damn happy
And nothing, no one else would make her feel as good
You knew.
You realized it went too far.
You pushed her
Harder and harder
Until she finally gave up.
Every moment you had spent together
Now felt like the greatest lie of all to her.

The beautiful butterflies in which she felt
Had now been engulfed
Into flames that burned
Hotter than the surface of the sun
Which she could see.
When she had found the truth
Black tears streamed down her face
Holding herself,
Feeling alone.
Knowing she had let someone in
Who did not care
Is what made her hurt the most.

Feeling like a fool
Sitting in the dirt
Looking over the city
Wind blowing in her face
Stinging cold rushing over her body
Wishing it would all end
Wishing that the pain would leave.
Not even the slightest touch
From a dear friend who cared
Could help her out.
She got up and walked away from the edge
Wanting so badly to have jumped
If only she were alone she would have

She drove home
And once again had craved a feeling
One that she had not felt for a while.
She picked up the only thing
That could make her feel at this point
Other than you of course.

The silver had felt cold between her fingers,
Staring at it
She appreciated its beauty.
Once that blade hit skin,
It became warmth
With that piece of stainless steel
She felt alive for the moment,
No longer numb

Knowing she wasn't dead
Brought her back for a brief minute
It brought her to that crimson sea
In which she had always known comfort
She had not touched that blade
For almost two months.
She had met you when it all stopped
She was on top,
Knowing she had you before you left
Was the greatest feeling she had ever known.

She thought that maybe one day
Your promise would mean something
She would be lucky enough to wake up
Staring into the stars each morning
As she had on that floor
Every chance she had gotten.
Devoting all of her time to you
Lying to her family and friends
She knew what she wanted
And all along it was you.

Her kindness again, however, was used
The love she generously gave to you was abused,
Her happiness, not for the first time, had been defeated.
Drowning in the demons
She thought she had once beaten
Had now awoken inside
They have taken over every single thought
Once again.