Crossed Tracks

4

Sometimes when I’ve had a truly awful day, I’ll come home turn off my phone. I’ll gather all my bedding and make a nest of pillows to enclose myself in my bedroom.

I’ll find a book, one randomly placed in among clothing or stacked amongst my bookcases and I’ll read until the words become fuzzy with white shadows.

I might come across some poorly written book, in which we follow the life of a girl who's every thought, action and breath is about a guy who treats her like shit.

But then sometime you stumble across books with words like liquid gold, strung together in a thread of pure sunlight. Those chosen books that bring tears to your eyes, make rage boil in the core of your muscles and cackle like a mad women.

Those are the books that emerge themselves into your core, seep into your soul and you will forever breath. Those are the books that even after the last page is turned you still have tears falling from you eyes. The books you hold, as inspiration in life and the one's that greet you like old friends when you need a moment of comfort.

So here I am with two tears dripping from my eyes, like warm rain.

 The suns casting a golden glow over my white walls and I can hear the distant bird song to mark dusk.

The shouting downstairs still hasn’t stopped and the air has become three times as heavy in just as many minutes. I have to get out of this place and inhale life. My chest has already tightened from the thoughts of what could happen. I have to get out and breathe deeply without the fear of creating a bigger problem. Looking over to my vanity I come up with a plan.

BOOM . BOOM . BOOM .

The thudding base sings through my body in pulsing waves. My skins lined with sweat and my hair falls down my back as I raise my arms in the air.

People press close to my body as we move and I feel distant from everything. Like my problems are no longer mine, as though I’ve entered someone else life and can go as I please.

The atmosphere is feeding us all, everywhere me head turns I see people smiling as they weave in and out of my view.

My shoes lazily sick to the warm floor and the bearskin on my arms is hot from the pressing bodies.

This is where I belong, where I can blend into the shadows and not worry about a thing.

My fingers run into my hair as the alcohol streams through my body. My head tilts and the world tilt away like a camera being swung from a string.  With every passing moment I feel the blocks of stress lifting from my shoulders and my body becoming more relaxed.

Hands touch the bare skin exposed on my sides and I sway to the music. No worrying about anything other then the large palms on the skin of my hips. Rough, dry and large they caress my skin in warm waves. My breath pulls in and the feeling of a breeze brushes my damp neck sending shivers running through my body as I leans back into the stranger.

This right here is how I love to live, in the moment without worry. Rare and truly unheard of nowadays, but oh so still liberating. I feel like a bird that’s jumped from a cliff, completely in free fall with no worry about what will happen. Confident that I will spread my wings before I hit the ground and completely at terms with the fact there’s no point in worrying I may die.

My neck gives out and rests upon the shoulder of whoever it is behind me. My hands winds behind my head in to the shaggy mess of short hair behind me. Hands tighten on my hips and our bodies close the gap.

So soft is the hair running through my fingers, so warm are the hands needing my flesh. Every thought I have is now consumed with the fire igniting under my skin.

The hands on my hips turn me slowly so I’m facing a strong chest outlined in a grey t-shirt. My eyes travel up to the strong jaw and a secretive smile forms on my lips .

"Hello stranger" I speak huskily. Instantly recognising him .

The smile forms on his face as his hand leaves my hip and wraps gently to the side of my neck.

"Rose" he mutters while smirking lazily .

Seven minutes could have passed as our bodies stopped moving and we stared into each other’s eyes. But yet neither one of us broke the silence, the booming sound track was a distant worry and the strode lights flashing across his face made his strangely mesmerising. I liked the silence between us, I didn’t have to speak or explain and we could both just appreciate the beauty of the moment  .

Someone smacks into my side with a force that flings my minds and me crawls its way to the reality that a fight has broken out among the crowd. His strong hand wraps around mine and suddenly we're weaving through what seems to be a huge crowd of angry people .

Where did the smiling happy faces go? They were now all in a twisted mask of hatred and anger . Memories surfaced like the poison of a snake bite . Running through my mind in a constant nightmare. Panic rose in my chest and I felt my lungs tightening unbearably tight .a panic attack was starting , but I couldn’t force my memories away . The shouts of people in the room , the breaking of furniture the scream rippling through my ten-year old throat.

This was what I was running from and it still managed to find me !

My palms broke out in a sweat and my knees started to grow weak with each passing step. Not here please no .

I was running from this , this was what I left behind , what I started a new for .

The hand on mine becomes loose and grey plotches start to cover my vision.

my lungs crave air desperately and my body shakes from fear . All i can see if the angry hard lines of my fathers face . Over and over the image is played of him spitting as he shouts of his fist swinging of -my vision has gone and now all I could hear was my shallow drowning breaths echoing in  the panic clouded cave of my skull .

My hands drop completely from his as my nails dig into my cloths desperate for air . then my knees smash to the ground . pain shocks through my body in lightning waves and I crumple onto my side . fingers fat and blown up feeling try desperately to get of the tank top I know is chocking me .

I can see a spot of light through the cloud of grey and I desperately cling to it with the hope it will save me . and ten as my body takes one last strangle breath I passed out on the floor not knowing if I’ll wake again .