We're all ugly when we cry

Chapter 19: Thoughts of Regret

My body groaned in protest as I forced my muscles to continue despite the lack of oxygen limiting my speed. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears muffling the pained screeches from Ben behind me. The beach was already long behind us, now the woods were rapidly approaching....

The thing that probably should worry me the most, is that I was headed straight for a mad man who had almost killed me in the dead of night... I stumbled to a halt to take in my surroundings, the sun was rapidly being to seek shelter under the endless rows of green, night was closing in. Uneven pulsing in my chest was warning me to turn back yet a part of my brain screamed for me to carry on, to understand that text.

Desperate to continue, I prepared my body when a small hand pulled my arms back behind my body sending me tumbling with nothing to break my fall. I felt all my breath leave my lungs as a heavy weight sat between my shoulder blades as I was left helpless pinned against the grass.

"What... the..... actual.... FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Bens heavy pants hit the back of my neck, tickling it slightly as he did so. I let my body sink into the ground as he tightened his grip on me. I couldn't blame him for being pissed. We were about to have a moment when I get a text. It would finally be the two of us... yet suddenly I went sprinting off without reason. I lifted my head just high enough off the ground to get my words out.

"The text... Did you read the text?" I tried to shuffle out from under his weight but he seemed to have me in a pretty strong hold.

"No? What text, I just had enough time to pick up your phone before you sprinted off!" The pressure he applied between my shoulder-blades with his elbows had me hissing out in agony.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Now get off me so I can explain, we don't have much time."

It was true the Suns' faint glow was now completely smothered by the black void that enveloped the sky. Ben had removed himself from me, allowing me to get up from the floor and tend to my wrists. Geez for a small boy he was strong, as if he had read my mind Ben replied...

"Before my dad became a business man he was in the army. I know a thing or two on how to protect myself... It... Hasn't exactly protected me." Instinctively he ran a hand over his thigh.

Guilt started to pool in my gut. I was leading him to Cal all over again. I couldn't let that happen. "Hey, listen the text was nothing, just my mum freaking out she wants me home." A small white lie wouldn't hurt him. Yet instead of him nodding in agreement, he just smirked, giving me a playful shove.

"You idiot, I'm coming round yours tonight remember? Now really... we both know that's not what the text says." he pulled my phone out of his pocket, instinctively I lunged to grab him. But being the tiny shit he is.

He got away.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as the glow of the screen hit illuminated the red glasses he wore. The smile quickly faded as he started reading.

"Yasmin... Where are you going?" His tone was harsh. We both knew where I was going, yet he was giving me a chance to be truthful with him.

"I..." He cut me off abruptly.

"DID YOU FORGET THAT THIS FREAK ALMOST KILLED YOU?" Eyes full of doubt bored into my own...

"Ben, I need to know what happened."

"And risk your own life for it?"

"He was my brother!"

"You have evidence show the police then!" By now we were both flush in the face, hands bawled into fists.

"Don't you see? If I tell the police, Cal won't tell anybody!! I know how his game works. It's me for information. I'm the money to bribe him." Ben seemed to understand what I was getting at. Yet his fists were still clenched by his sides, trembling slightly.

"I can't let you do this." He spat through gritted teeth.

"I know... But I have too." I sighed and pulled his frame close to my own. Feeling his own muscles relax I just held tighter.

"Go back to my house and tell my mum I've just gone to fetch my bike from your house. If I'm not back by five then send help." I whispered gently to him... The blonde boy pulled away from me slightly his little eyes poking through his hair.

"Your the first friend I've ever truly had, I don't care what you say we're going together. You know you can't do this alone." Tears pricked my eyes at his words. I too had never really had a true friend. But knew this wasn't all I was feeling. The fluttering in my stomach became almost sickening as he pulled me to his own height. I had barely seconds to close my eyes before I felt a small pair of soft lips touch my own.

This time when heat spread throughout my body, the sensation was different. Not burning pain, but it was pure bliss.

But the fears and doubts that once lingered in the back of my mind fled to the surface causing me to pull away reluctantly. It hadn't been much, yet a brief touch of lips on lips... but I knew I couldn't have this...

I wasn't deserving of a guy like him... he couldn't develop feelings for me... I was already drowning in my own mind, I couldn't pull him into my own tidal wave.

I needed to let him go.

As my eyes met his own I could see the confusion, the hurt that shrouded them...

"I can't... I'm sorry. We can't." Although I was desperate to hold myself together my voice failed me, emotion seeping through my words bringing to surface my own fears and weaknesses.

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted this?" He tried to reach out, fingers barely brushed my own before I pulled away, it was as if his fingers were scolding hot... I was no longer willing to let myself become part of a wildfire.

There are times in your life where you need to put aside emotion or opportunities that could develop into something beautiful, because sometimes when you're that broken inside you daren't tarnish those so pure.

Tears coated the faces of us both as I turned away continuing back into the depths that would greet me with nothing but sorrow.

The last of the bliss I had been allowed to feel these past few days fading further and further away, and as a second pair of footsteps continued to follow me at a slower pace...

Blackness once again took over my emotions.