We're all ugly when we cry

Chapter 23: Saying Goodbye

A month had passed since the incident.

I had been discharged from hospital a week ago and the funeral was this afternoon. If that wasn't enough, the trial for the brothers was tomorrow  giving me no time to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming events. It was just one thing after another and I couldn't Calm down.

Since the amputation of my leg I had never felt safe, just vulnerable... a sitting duck. Panic would easily take a hold of me within the night leaving me screaming drenched in a pool of my own sweat...

It was painful to know that even my parents were getting fed up of me, yet I had no idea of how to cope with everything. I had been sent to multiple therapists but they were all the same... "Tell me, how does that make you feel?" Utter bullshit.

I was back to square one. Back inside my comfort zone and I wasn't planning on coming out and time soon.

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"Yasmin? Have you gotten dressed yet?" My mother screamed up the stairs.

I didn't want to go. I had said goodbye to him when he was alive, why should I tell a dead body? It's not going to help me. I know he's gone. Wouldn't it make it worse looking at his lifeless corpse? It was bad enough going to Jacks, I can't deal with Ben's as well.

I replied back to her before crawling over my bed to the dress hung up against my wardrobe. It was slim fitted and went to just below my knees, mother said It was so I looked 'respectable' when really it was just to cover up my ugly stump.

The top of the dress was quite simple, with a heart shaped neck that didn't go down too far... a simple flower pinned to the left just above my heart.

I slipped it on admiring the flower my parents had chosen. I had asked for a cherry blossom yet I had been given a red rose bud. I held back tears as I traced the folded petals. The colour so vibrant yet filled with painful memories. I then called downstairs for my dad.

He looked great, in a back suit a slim grey tie. He smiled as he lifted me off the bed carrying me downstairs to my chair. "My beautiful, baby girl" he whispered to me. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as he placed me in the chair. I made sure my stump was hidden before we set off to the church.

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I felt completely out of place...

Well dressed women and men floated about grabbing the best seats near the front by the vicar. I knew Ben didn't have any friends in school, apart from me, yet I couldn't get over the shock of seeing nothing but adults. My mum stayed close to me as my dad made a clear path down the isle for us to get through.

As we made to the front I noticed a couple...

The woman was stunning... Long, black, straight hair and warm brown eyes. Her dress long and flowing, around the waist, tiny black flowers were sewn. Her fingers were drenched with expensive looking rings, but they were nothing compared to the large emerald engagement ring accompanied by a wedding ring also embedded with emeralds. The man stood next to her, who I assumed the husband, was also stunning. He had a well defined face, more square than his wife, blonde hair that had been gelled back beyond belief. But the most distinct thing about him were his bright blue eyes...

The wife noticed us first and quickly came over followed by her husband. "Hello, I'm assuming your the Hunters family? Am I correct? I'm Alana Carriston, Benjamin's mother and this is Rupert, my husband."

I was shocked. These were Bens parents...? The Carristons? It dawned upon me that Ben had never told me his last name, I knew he was rich... But to be a descendent from the Carristons. I couldn't believe it. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Ben had his mothers shaped face and smile, his fathers eyes and probably hair. That's why it's so slicked back to hide the tangle of curls.

I hid my shocked appearance and shook hands with them both before Bens mother, Alana, spoke again,

"so you're Yasmin," she addressed me. "Seems our son was quite fond of you, the letters he sent us whilst we were away always had something about you." The couple smiled as my face heated up. "I'm so sorry we weren't able to meet, you see we regret it, we have no time with our son and his friends and now... Here of all places we meet." Her eyes filled with tears, her husband noticed this and took over. "Please sit with us over here, Yasmin there's a seat on the end for you if you want to get out of your wheelchair."

We thanked them and took our seats, I ended up sitting on the end, glad to get out of my chair.

The ceremony was long, dragged out, full of empty thoughts and promises and random people showing respects to the family. A few people did try and talk to me about our relationship and how significant it was. Luckily Bens' family didn't appreciate that and shoved them off pretty quickly. I soon learnt that the family had enough power to stop the press from getting anywhere near the church, as we were left alone and the news had been kept out of the papers, only a brief article on the court case.

Right at the end we were given a chance to say goodbye properly before they cremated the body. I had to say goodbye one last time.

As I looked over the rim of the casket I wished I hadn't, they had cleaned and covered the body best they could yet there were still places you could see the damage, his hands with fresh cuts and the one slice across his cheek prominent. He didn't look himself either, just this robot of a body stripped from its personality. They had gelled his wild hair, taken his glasses and dressed him in a fancy suit. As the tears ran down my face I realized I had had enough and got my parents to move my wheelchair out the way.

The last part of the ceremony was scattering the ashes over the sea. Me, Alana and Rupert all placed a hand on the jar and the ashes flew in the wind they dressed the imperfect waves with a grey coating. "I miss you..." I whispered one last time...