We're all ugly when we cry

Chapter 10: Forever running

I had no idea where I was going I just let my legs carry me forward not daring to stop to rest I had to get away. I knew what the were capable of, and I didn't dare to become a victim of that once again. As I tore through the tree's, their claw like branches clung to my skin trying to slow me down. But I wouldn't stop... I had to keep moving.

Just as I was beginning to give up and the air around me began to taste toxic as it filled my lungs, I had somehow ended up in my special clearing. The atmosphere around me immediately changed, my uneven breaths beginning to follow a normal pattern again. This is why I loved it here. It was so perfect, tranquil. You could forget about anything. It didn't take long before I, myself forgot why I'd been in such a panicked state as I began to make my way to the familiar spot in the center...
Yet as I made my way over there, a pained sound echoed throughout the woods, I glanced around trying to find the source of the disturbance only to lay eyes on the log. That same log I had sat on yesterday with Ben smiling at me. Yet this time, I wasn't on the log and Ben wasn't smiling. Instead the small figure had his head in his hands and legs curled up pressed against his chest.

It broke my heart to see him like this. The setting was all to familiar and was just another painful reminder that I myself had ended up in that exact spot after a school day that might of been too painful. Wait a second... I checked my phone to realize I'd only been out of school grounds for an hour, so why wasn't he in school? When I had walked out period one was about to start and now he should be in period two.

Taking in mind that he was probably still upset with me, I cautiously approached the log, still not being noticed I cautiously sat down next to him. I stayed like that for a while, not sure if he had seen me or not, just glad of the company... even if it meant that I had to fight the urge to wipe away the tears that spilt down his cheeks.

I lasted a couple more minutes before I gave in to the temptation to speaks up "Hey... Ben?"

His body tensed up alerting me to the fact that he hadn't noticed I was there yet it was clear he noticed that from my relaxed form that I had been there a while. I rolled my lip between my teeth not sure about what action I should take next, but before I opened my mouth he sat up to face me properly and filled the silence.

"Is that all you see me as?" The bitter tone he used as he practically spat the words made me flinch, I tried to ignore his tear stained face and the rawness of his eye. Instead gripping my clothing close to me in an act of remorse. Although I knew where the convocation was going to decided to play dumb to see if he could let me off any lighter.

"As what?" I hadn't planned for my voice to sound so meek, I cursed to myself at the response.

"As just a replacement for your brother" as soon as the words left his mouth my eyes started to fill with tears, part of me agreed with him, I had just been thinking of him as Jack. But no, there was something else. He had proved himself different from the rest. He had listened to my problems and not just brushed them off as nothing. I had actually thought of him as a friend but I had just happened to mess everything up.

I exhaled deeply out of my nose, choosing my words carefully before continuing "No, well maybe at first. But the thing is you were there for me, you haven't pushed me away, your more than that Ben your my friend."

A breath hitched within my throat as a tear ran down his cheek. It wasn't long before he completely let loose heavy sobs that you could tell had been held back for a while, I just let him get it out pulling him into a hug so he had a shoulder to rest on. My own tears had started to dampen my cheeks as he gripped onto my clothes for comfort. The frames of his glasses digging into me yet I didn't have the energy to care.

As he regained control over his shaking frame, he looked up at me, and smiled. Not just a forced smile, no he truly smiled from ear to ear... "You think your the only person who hasn't had a friend for months? Well try their entire life. I've always been the teachers pet who nobody hangs around with, yes you were bitter towards me, at first but you truly worked hard to makes things right with me again. And for that thank you, nobody's bothered with me before."

I didn't even hold back any more I just let the liquid drench my cheeks, my lower lip trembling as it came apparent to me that It was the first time Ben had spoken about his past, it had always been me and my problems. So for him to open up for once, it was nice. It stayed like that for a while, just us in a comfortable silence. The gentle mid-day breeze whispering it's song in our ears. Glancing over to look over at Ben, I found him with his eyes closed and his head resting on the back of the log. He looked so peaceful just sitting there not a care in the world. To be honest I was jealous, he didn't have the struggle that I did, his ignorance to all of this is bliss.

A couple of minutes later it became apparent that he had actually fallen asleep his head, his posture slumped slightly to one side, allowing me to get a clear view of his face. At first glance you would really think he was my brother, but if you looked closer you could start to see the differences.

For starters Jack never wore glasses, but there were other details that separated them. For example, Bens' skin is slightly darker but still was a shade of ghostly white, he also has a beauty spot just under his left eye. I lifted my arm about to reach out and touch it, just as my skin made contact with his, I pulled back quickly.

Wait what am I doing?

As I looked back over to Ben the biggest thing that was different about them was that Ben just looked older. His face more defined. And from this angle you could truly see how well his cheekbones stand out. I had never truly paid attention to the small things about him, yes he reminded me of Jack, but now, I know that I can think of them two different people...

Ben started to shuffle about in seat, a groan escaping past his lips highlighting his discomfort as his eyes scrunched together. I couldn't help but wonder what he's dreaming about.

I shook my head, trying to rid these thoughts out of my head. Leaning over I nudged his shoulder so he didn't suffer from his dream anymore. Helping him come around out of his sleep.

I can't be thinking of him in this way, teenage hormones ruin everything I just want a good friend I need to keep it as just friends.

A couple of nudges later, Bens eyes fluttered open, the blue slightly clouded from sleep still, after taking in his surrounding and extending lethargic limbs, he looked over at me a smile played across his lips.

I spoke up before I could register what I was saying "Your such a great friend to me." His gaze still locked on my own, I wanted him to know how special he was. I didn't miss the way his smile faltered at the word friend but he was so quick to cover it up that I didn't look into it too much.

"Yasmin, just know that if I mess this whole friendship thing up that I don't mean to. I couldn't of wished for somebody better, I'm just not very good at the whole social thing." The concern in his words unsettled me.

"Trust me, if anybody is going to mess this up, it will be me" I smirked at my own comment. However, he still looked so serious about it all, and all I wanted was the fun Ben back.

It just so happens that the one way I knew how to make somebody smile was from my brother. You tackle them to the floor and tickle them so they can't breathe... Before he even knew what had hit him, I had already got Ben to the floor his screams of horror echoing as I took him by surprise. In one fluid motion I had managed to straddle his waist and pin his arms to his sides holding them in place with my knees. Now I was able to use my hands to find a ticklish spot.

"Yasmin what ar.... Hahahaha s..s.stop it hahaha seriously hahaha." As his childish giggles filled the empty space I couldn't help but laugh along with him.
attacking the sides of his body around where his rib-cage was located.

After a couple of minutes of my torture, Bens face had gone bright red and his breath had rapidly become uneven, so we called truce and moved back onto the log.

"Haha, don't ever do that without warning me" he managed to say through breathless pants.

"Oh, so there will be a next time?" I wiggled my hands in front of his suggestively. He quickly pushed my hands away and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, whatever" we both smiled like idiots at each other.

As my thoughts began to wander again, my face fell as I realised I would have to tell Ben about what had found out, I turned to face him regret in my eyes, when the trees behind us rustled...