Anything (Van McCann | CATB Fan Fiction)

11. Downtown LA

|Vienna|

I was half asleep when my body was slightly rocked by the motion of our tour bus stopping at the next destination.

Of course I ended up in Los Angeles - the one city I wished to avoid for the rest of my life. I have sworn that I would never step foot in LA after my mom passed away for a very simple and clear reason - my dad resided in LA and I would hate any chance of bumping into him. I sighed knowing that I have broke my own promise.

Rubbing my eyes, I peeped my head through the curtain of my bed to see if anyone was awake but of course everyone else were still snoring in their bunk bed - it was the crack of dawn after all.

Making sure that my head wont hit the upper part of the bunk, I pulled myself out of bed and stretched gloriously when my feet touched the floor. I then quietly took out my clothes and toothbrush from the drawer beneath Mike's bed, which was positioned right below mine, and headed to the toilet downstairs.

"Mornin', Joe," I yawned when I landed on the final steps. Joe was our bus driver.

"Mornin'. You're up early," he smiled in his seat.

"The weather looks nice for a walk," I told him.

"It's still dark. You know the city well?"

"Sort of," I murmured while turning the knob of the toilet door. It was always a struggle for me to get dressed in the tour bus since the toilet was just the size of a peanut. It was never a problem for the boys as they would simply change in front of each other, and sometimes in front of me, without having the need to feel embarrassed even though they were half, and sometimes, butt naked, especially Bondy. I may have seen his ass one too many time.

I went around the bus, to see where we were parked. I looked around for the street sign and saw that we were parked right outside of a rehearsal space that Dan had rented in the corner of North Broadway, Downtown LA. The street was still empty, with just a couple of cafes opening up in the wee hours of the morning. I turned on my iPhone and saw that it was only 6AM in the morning.

I needed to smoke, but my pack was empty. I walked further along the street and saw a twenty-four hour convenience store right next to a Chinese restaurant that looked far too familiar. My heart sank into the ground as I remembered that it was the same restaurant that me and my parents used to go when I was little. My dad was a bicoastal businessman, but he'd spent most of his time in LA, so mom and I would travel West to visit him whenever we could. And he would always bring us to this restaurant because it was my mom's favourite. Yang Chow Restaurant. Those were the happy days.

My body started to quiver remembering all of the good memories I had of my parents as those etched in my mind were only of the bad ones. I haven't talked to my dad for so many years. I had chosen to shut him out. It was just too painful for me to talk to him since it reminded me of the pain my mother had to go through because of him, which resulted in my very own downfall as a human being. All those psychopharmacological drugs that mom took so she could sleep at night and stay calm during the day, her endless cycle of highs and lows, self-loathings and self-hurt injuries - I could still remember them clearly.

Thinking about my parents made my head spin in a way I could not control. I could feel the stubborn tears in my eyes starting to build up and my throat choked up. Breathing was nearly impossible as my chest heavily heaved. Was I really going to breakdown in front of this Chinese restaurant? I tried to walk away but I could not feel my legs.

"Useless, sickening bitch!" Dad yelled at mom as he smashed his fist into her face. For a time, mom just laid there on the floor, while I helplessly watched her from behind the doors. Dad held her down and began to pull her hair to which she responded with a faint "No." Her voice seemed to agitate Dad as he violently dropped her head onto the floor. "Shut up! Shut up! Or I will kill you!"

"Vienna? Hey, Vienna... Are you alright?" I felt a hand reached out to me when I realized my vision was blurred by my own tears. I turned my head to see who it was but I was sobbing so hard that my brain just stopped functioning. "Hey, hey... It's okay... I am here..." I blinked a couple of times and I was beginning to have my vision back. Those bright blue eyes were far too comforting. I looked at them for a moment as tears continued to stream like a river out of me.

"Van..." I animatedly exhaled.

"It's okay... I am here..." He softly pulled me into his warm embrace and my head fell onto his chest. My tears continued to trickle out of me and my sobs showed no sign of easing down. I've held back my emotions for nearly ten years. I promised myself that I'd be strong for my mother. I promised that I wont cry. I promised that I'd take care of her...

Van wrapped his arm around me tightly, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as he stroked my shoulder blades gently. I then realized how badly the situation must have looked. I hated crying in front of anyone. Especially the ones I work for.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling that my sobs were starting to ease after what felt like a nice ten minutes of hugging.

"It's okay, love." The warmth in Van's voice was comforting. I knew I should be releasing myself from him, but I was still clinging onto him, never wanting to let go of him. It was nice to be held by him like that - a feeling that was long gone in my book. I could feel his eyes on me but he said nothing else, which was a good thing. I was definitely not in the mood for any questions and he seemed to understand that.

Knowing that I eventually had to let go of him, I slowly released myself from his tight embrace and wiped the blotchy patch of tears on his shirt with my fingers.

"Feel better?" He asked, moving his face closer to mine, like he was making sure that I had stopped crying.

"Yeah, thank you," I nodded, trying to smile.

"Good," he said, sliding his hand around my waist, gently stroking the small of my back.

His thumb then brushed the dampness of my cheeks. His touches were soft and tantalizing that I felt relieved that it was he who witnessed my episode of a breakdown.

I was feeling better. A lot better.

"Joe told me you went out for a walk. So I thought, what kind of crazy woman would wander the empty streets alone when it's still dark?" He said, with his knees slightly bent down so our face would level.

"That would be me," I murmured, locking my eyes with his, with our faces just a couple of inches apart. "I ran out of cigs." His majestic eyelashes were flickering, the colour of his eyes was breathtaking. It was difficult not to stare at them. Van shyly pulled away like he was uncomfortable that I was staring at him like that, but he moved forward to look at me again, with warmth in his eyes.

I could listen to the sound of his soft breathings, as he leaned in to kiss my damp cheek. I was surprised by his gesture but I didn't say anything about it. The sun was starting to rise and I could see that his cheeks were slightly flushed.

"Alright, let's go get you some fags."