The Years Disappeared

I Don't Care

We ate lunch together, playing placid for the children. I sought to corner him immediately after as they played, following him into the office close by.
"Yes of course...No...I understand..." He spoke on the phone, pacing worriedly, slamming it back down without registering my presence, grabbing his briefcase.
"Where are you going?"
"He needs me now, something...The...They-"
"I don't care Lindsey, I just don't care anymore, it's too much. What about me? What about your children?" I hissed, tensing my jaw.
"I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise you."
He moved to embrace me, my body pressed between him and the end of his desk.
"Why did you choose this? You could've done anything!" I spat up at him.
"Steph, you know what I have to do, it's for the best."
"You don't care about what's best for me. You showed me that when you slept with another woman for two years."
"Please, not now...Steph, don't. Let's not go back there." He pressed his fist to his mouth, taking an emotional breath. He kissed me and I reciprocated ferociously, letting tears of many mixed feelings fall as I gripped his lapels.
"When will the car be here?"
"Within the hour."
I initiated now, jumping back to sit on the desk, pulling him to stand between my legs by the tie, feeling him through his trousers.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, stroking my face, "You are..." He pressed a kiss to my cheek, "Something I don't deserve."
"Don't you want me?"
"Don't be ridiculous."
"That's not an answer."

"Mommy? Daddy?"
I heard Bella ask, pulling away from Lindsey immediately.
"Yes honey?" I responded, quickly following her back into the lounge where Joe, and Leia were parked in front of some cartoons.
"Are you and daddy fighting?"
"No, no sweetie, we just found our that he has to go back to work for a while, he'll be back really soon."
"I promise you sweetheart," he added, scooping up Bella as he entered the room.

"Daddy is going away again?" Joe asked, turning to look up with wide eyes.
"Are you, daddy?" Leia articulated in confusion, "I only saw you for today!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He got onto the carpet, attempting to comfort the all, Leia and Joe visibly fighting back tears as Bella clasped his hand from behind. I bent down to squeeze Joe and Leia, explaining again that the situation was out of their father's control, but having to get back up to tend to Sara as her baby monitor sounded. As I rocked her, I sang one of my many little songs quietly, opening the window to let the small breeze freshen up the warm room. I heard footsteps and hushed voices, Lindsey entering the nursery soon after, Leia in one arm and Joe in the other, Bella ahead of them; pressing a finger to her lips and giving her siblings a look of warning as she saw me calming her youngest sister.

"Mommy is singing!" Joe told Lindsey in an enthusiastic whisper.
"I know son, beautiful isn't she?" I blushed, ending my song as Sara quieted down, reaching for my breasts.
"Let me feed her babe, we have bottles made up already right?" Lindsey offered, placing Leia and Joe on the floor as he came over to take Sara into his arms, momentarily yet passionately kissing me on the lips, unsure of whether I felt grateful or not.
"Yes, thank-you."
We trailed back down, and I couldn't help but admire the adoration my three other children had for their little sister, and Lindsey for his youngest daughter, not able to wipe the smile off his face as he cautiously placed the rubber teat in her mouth. Then, his care as he tentatively wiped away the milk residue with a washcloth after she was full.

We subsequently went to wait in the front garden, the sun still scorching in the Kate afternoon, the maid bringing out several of Lindsey's cases ready for when the car arrived. He bobbed Sara up and down on his knee as the Joe and Leia giggled, clinging to a leg each as he wiggled them. Bella sat next to me on the opposite bench, watching with an incredibly pensive expression for a girl who'd just turned nine years of age, anxiously twiddling a strand of her sleek brown hair between her fingers.
"Are you OK Bella? You look very thoughtful for your age right now."
"I'm fine mommy. I'm just sad that daddy is going away so soon, I'd ask if you were sad too, but you said you don't care anymore."
"Sweetie, of course I care."
"Sammy said that when her parents didn't care about each other anymore, her daddy left and never came back home."
"Oh Bella your dad isn't going to do that, he loves you more than anything in the world." At that moment, a black car rolled up and beeped its horn, Bella rushing over to Lindsey. I took Sara from him, freeing him to kiss and hug the other three and wish them goodbye. They sat watching us, Bella especially, as I rocked Sara, Lindsey standing before me.
"See you soon," he assured, leaning to kiss Sara's forehead, placing his hands over mine as he briefly kissed my lips. "I love you, please remember that Steph, I wish I had time to exp-"
"I love you too, we'll talk when you come back. Please stay safe for us."