The Years Disappeared

The Hardest Word

The California house was everything we'd ever wanted. A beach view, sprawling gardens, plenty of space and in the exact place in the world we wanted it to be. The kids were something of a nightmare to control when they saw the place, running upstairs to put dibs on bedrooms.
"This one's mine!" Bella ran into one as I struggled to catch up with them on my crutch  Stevie staying downstairs to direct the removal guys with the antique couches she was irritatingly protective of. I followed my eldest daughter and saw she'd plainly found the master, our four poster bed having already been placed in there.
"Bella, mine and your mom's bed is already in here, I'm sure there are plenty of other rooms you'd be happy in."
"But daddy look," she pointed out at the vast Bay Area visible for miles outside the window.
"I know, but don't you think your mommy would love this?" She hummed.
"You remember when I told you about when we lived in LA when you were first born and we were in a really small apartment and we didn't have even enough money to fix our car reverse," She nodded.
"Well that doesn't feel like that long ago to us, and your mom used to tell me she wanted a big, pretty house for us all with a bedroom window where she could look at the sea and just write like you know she loves to- and I promised her it."
"OK...But can I come in and write too?"
"I'm sure she'd love that."
She smiled at me and then we left to find Leia and Joe. For once they weren't fighting over something, and both of them begged me to look at their rooms.
"Mine's better!"
"No mine is!" Joe responded and I sighed.
"Stop this! This is a stressful day and you both have good rooms now stop being ungrateful or you'll be in them all day." They looked at me guiltily and fell silent.
"Who's being ungrateful?" I heard Stevie behind me and turned to see her with the classic 'mom look' on her face.
"Not me!" Bella instantly said with pride.
"Oh of course not, you're a big girl."
"It's ok, Joe and Leia are being quiet now or they'll be in their new rooms all day."
"Yes they will, now Bella, Karen will be up in a second to keep an eye on you guys and help you sort your stuff when the removal guys bring it up, but I just need to grab daddy for a second."
Bella trailed Leia and Joe behind her into the other rooms to decide which one she preferred, and Stevie pulled me to the side.
"Daddy?" I echoed her.
"Shut up."
"Where's Sara?"
"Mom and Dad are with her in the garden. So, I booked an appointment for Thursday, are you ok to come with me then?"
"You know I'm taking a break from it all, so yes of course I'm free to come."
"I just thought you might of changed your mind, I wouldn't blame you if you had, I know you're restless."
"Well there's not much time to laze around with this bunch."
"Now you're getting it."
"Come see the bedroom," I led her in, "Look, I got it for you," I pointed at the view and she released a chuckle.
"Thank you...We have all of this because of you..."
I wrapped my arms around her waist and we watched silently for a while,
"I'm know I haven't always done everything right."
"It's okay."
"It's not."
"Well then make it okay."
"I will, I will." I breathed the scent of her hair in deeply.
Our moment didn't last for long as the kids came running in, asking what was for dinner.
"Well we don't have many groceries right now so..."
"Pizza?" Stevie sighed, knowing this was their favourite takeout, the kids begging for her suggestion in unison as they knew she didn't often cave on this front (or any).
"Ok, ok, just for tonight!" She gave in and we herded them all downstairs and into the garden as to not disturb the removal men, Jesse having installed the swing set for them. After a while they bored and it got slightly chilly as the sun began to set, Sara crying for her food. Stevie had of course made sure she had what she needed, and sat our youngest in her high chair.

-

Lindsey found me at the window where I'd been watching the bay, the odd stick figures visible on the horizon, the water sparkling in the moonlight. He said nothing but I felt him kiss at my neck.
"Oh, hello."
"Mrs. Buckingham you have been quite the tease today."
"Huh?" I turned to look at him in a half-exhausted daze.
"That dress..." He moved his hands up and down my hips.
We moved onto the bed as we kissed, it becoming rather hot and heavy in a matter of minutes. I felt the wetness between my legs becoming uncomfortable as his erection rubbed against my panties. He reached to slide them off me.
"No!" I said more aggressively than I'd meant to.
"What? What's wrong?" He backed off.
"I didn't mean it like that, it's just..."
"If you didn't want to have sex then you should've just said," he sighed, rolling off me.
"I did, I mean...I'm...Uh...Wet," I blushed and he furrowed his brow in evermore confusion. "I just have a bad feeling about...The baby..."
"Well we're seeing the doctor in two days, I'm sure we have nothing to worry about."
He kissed my cheek and stroked my hand as it rested over my still relatively flat stomach. "But anyhow, there are other ways we can have fun," he slyly whispered into my ear. My giggles quickly evolved into moans as he hooked my legs around his shoulders and used just his mouth on me. He moved up, laying me on my side as he nuzzled my neck, switching to circle his fingers over my clit, his hardness hot against my rear. "Ssh baby, everyone is asleep," he warned as my exclamations of pleasure degenerated as I got a little louder, and I could hear his smile on the way he spoke.
He moved to feel my butt, pulling apart the cheeks and pushing them together again as his cock pulsed between them. "Mmm Steph let me fvck you here," he begged as he licked his middle finger, then rubbed it against my back entrance, inserting it slightly. It felt mildly pleasurable, but I grumbled as he pulled it out and began working himself.
"I'll be gentle baby," he promised.
"Lindsey stop!" I whined, sitting up.
"I was j-"
"You're going to hurt me! So you can quit while you're ahead unless you're going to fvcking rape me or some shit!" I realised my overreaction even as I articulated it, tears flooding my eyes in the darkness.
"What the fvck?" I gaped.
"I've done everything for you and you throw it in my face." He spat and his shadow stumbled onto his crutch as he flung his legs off the bed.
"Let me help y-"
"Go and fuck yourself Stevie."

I barely slept, pouring my thoughts onto paper, falling asleep with my journal across my face, my mother waking me with a breakfast tray.
"You took them to their new school without me?" I said in frustration and disbelief as I realised the time.
"Stevie you were flat out and we thought it best for you to sleep well."
"We?"
"Me, your dad, and Lindsey of course." I huffed, pushing away my blankets after thanking her for the food and drink, going to find my daughter.
Lindsey was lying on the lounge floor, reading for her. I watched for a while, enchanted and ashamed, but I couldn't hide my presence for much longer when Sara sat up and noticed me.
"I was just going to the store, need anything?"
"Like that?" He gestured at my nightgown without looking at my face, and I shook my head.
"So, you need anything in particular?" My voice wavered a little.
"Nah."
I nodded and went to shower. Once dressed, I rushed through the hallway and grabbed the car keys, hoping to avoid him.
"Your mom went, she took the list."
"Oh..."
"She said you were in the shower, so..."
He sloped back into the lounge, and I stood shaken in the hallway before returning upstairs to sort through the many boxes of our things.

I passed out from exhaustion at some point in the afternoon, waking on a pile of clothes I'd been folding and hanging, my head banging. Before I could fetch a drink and some pills, the kids rushed in talking over each other, with a hundred different stories from their day, telling me dinner was ready.
"Granny made lasagne!" Joe beamed and they led me to the dining room, where Lindsey had clearly succeeded in unpacking everything, a seat vacant beside him once everyone but me had sat down.
"Looks amazing mom, thanks so much." I smiled at her as I sat beside my husband.
"No problem sweetie, you need your rest."
"I'm going to miss you when you go back to Phoenix!" Leia complained between her grandparents.
"We'll visit you as much as we can don't worry, especially when the..." My dad trailed off, realising he'd almost let slip something as I held my forkful midair, luckily the kids already being distracted by Lindsey's theatrical feeding of Sara and thus not being suspicious at all. I made sure I did the dishes straight after, already feeling guilty that I'd fell asleep while my mom cooked dinner. I began the process of drying, jumping and dropping the plate I'd been holding, as a door slammed behind me.

"Shit." Lindsey moved his arms as if to grab the dustpan and brush, "Oh god, which box is it in?" I removed my rubber gloves to kneel and search them with him.
"I win!" He pulled the apparatus we needed out of the box, awkwardly brushing up the shards of ceramic as he balanced on his crutch. I knew he'd bitch if I tried to help him so I returned to the sink, hearing a loud "Fuck!" not long after.
"What? Lindsey what?"
"I just...I stood on a piece of it...Holy shit that's sharp."
He sat down on the tiles, slinging his crutch to the side as he peered at the underside of his foot. I grabbed my purse off its hook, pulling out a small first aid kit.
"You keep that in there?"
"I am a mother of four, of course I do."
I rolled my eyes at his whimpering as I pulled the small, offending piece of kitchen shrapnel from his flesh, dabbing antiseptic on the wound, placing a plaster over it.
"Thanks." He mumbled, flexing his foot and standing up to make for the door.
"L-Lindsey?"
He turned.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."