The Years Disappeared

A Long Time Coming

Seemingly endless calls organising our move were exhausting us both, and Lindsey's physiotherapy wasn't pleasant for either of us. They said he'd be walking without the crutches in no more than two months however, and I was relieved- already being anxious about handling five young children. We were planning to fly out to San Jose on Monday, a leaving gathering planned for Saturday. Lindsey had been coaxing me into a little performance for our friends and family, and I'd relented with ease, always having missed our musical days.

After setting the timer on the oven for the Pecan pie, I rushed to touch up my appearance in the bathroom as Lindsey sorted the children out, taking deep breaths as nauseous sensations fluctuated in the pit of my stomach. "Oh you're going to be a little mistress aren't you?" I spoke to my unborn daughter, shaking my head.

A while into the party Lindsey had moved out on the porch with a few of his friends, who despite still being bachelors in their thirties, were gushing over Sara. "You don't want a drink TeeDee, you seem tense?" Mom asked as she came over, placing her hand on mine, "Are things ok with you and Lindsey?"
"Yes, they're really good actually," she gave me a skeptical look.
"You know I love you both."
"Mom, seriously, I swear."
"Steves where's the best bottle opener? This one is flaking out on us." Lindsey unknowingly interrupted, waltzing in with Sara on his side. I took him by the wrist to its location, knowing he'd end up searching in the complete wrong place if I gave him exact directions. Thanking me, he exited the room, the chattering bunch of people who'd been waiting on him following, leaving me alone with my mom again. I poured her a Gin & Tonic, myself a water as I tried to shake the little pain I felt around my neck away.

"You're pregnant again aren't you? Oh sweetheart I'm so happy for you," she smothered me with kisses.
"Christ! Yes, love you too mom," regretting letting this out so soon.
"Why didn't you say earlier? Are you announcing it tonight?"
"No, no, it's...It's early days so..."
"You're thinking of the miscarriage aren't you?" She spoke of the baby we'd lost before Bella, her being the only other person apart from Lindsey and my father who even knew they'd existed- forever seared upon our hearts.
"Stephie, you've had four healthy children since then, you've got nothing to worry about." I bit my lip, feeling a little hope.
"It's just, Lindsey was reading and..."
"I know it's soon after Sara, and you are such a little thing, but you are healthy and you can afford the best doctors in the country. You're still so young too darling."
I didn't have chance to response, Joe running in and telling me it was time to sing.
Lindsey was sat with his acoustic guitar and I felt a rush of nostalgia.
"Ready?" He whispered into my ear as I felt thirty or so eyes on us.
I nodded.
Singing the words to Landslide, I began to tear up. I'd written the song almost ten years ago, but it was the kind of thing that might resonate with anyone at anytime. Although I knew we needed to leave this place, so much had happened between us in those four walls. We had hit rock bottom more than once, but I don't recall having ever reconsidered my love for Lindsey and the children he had given me, especially as I looked at him then.

"You look insanely hot tonight. You know that?" Lindsey mutters into my hair after everyone has praised us, and are returning back to their clusters, me perching on his lap.
"You just want some honey, don't you?"
He waggled his eyebrows, gripping my hips. Before he could whisper a smart-ass response Sara began to cry in my arms, not dampening the party atmosphere in the least as everyone turned around to "Ahhh" at her- they weren't the ones up all night listening to her! Having begun the process of weaning her off breast milk, I took her through to the kitchen for some formula, guessing correctly that she was hungry. She was finally happy when she had the teat in her mouth, and I gazed down at her, though screwed up my face in pain when I felt a headache coming on.

"Ok?" He finds me close to tears.
"Bad headache again."
"Here," he tossed me some aspirin from the cabinet, gesturing me to give him Sara as he leaned on the counter. I watched them as I sipped a glass of water, almost choking on the pill as Sara vomited a little on his expensive suit just as he had been smiling down at her with adoration- not for the first time, though it was still amusing.
"Oh shi-" he cut himself off on front of her as he felt my disapproval without even looking to me.
"Go clean yourself up," I smirk, closing my eyes as I soothe Sara against me, hearing the buzz in the lounge through the ajar door, praying the pills would work some magic and not ruin the night for me.

"Stevie?"
"Kate, what the h-" I felt rage and shock simultaneously. Could Lindsey really have invited her?
"Mama, mama." Sara called out, straining her little head to see the woman who had entered. I felt instantly protective, shushing her and cuddling her closer as she pulled a fistful of my hair into her mouth, making me blush as Kate averted her gaze awkwardly.
"I wanted to tell you something."
"Get on with it."