Foolish love

Chap6.

"Its nothing"

i shugged and laughed it off, hoping he would drop the subject

"Didnt seem like it"

He looked at me, i could see how concern he was, i could hear it in his voice.

"One thing you should know about me is that your gonna hate me. Sooner or later. You get sick of me, so you should just stay away. Get as far as you can. I cant seem to open myself up anymore, thats the price of getting hurt to much, i guess"

I wanted to say these words, but they just wont come out, i wanted to run, far as i can. I cant bear to see the look of dissapointment in his eyes. I didnt want him to hate me, i truly wanted him to get to know, the real me.
But i cant. I cant let myself be vulnerable, not again.

I look at him silently, not wanting to say anything. He could tell i was surpressing alot of emotions. He just kept quite, and waited for me. Should i lie? Should i just say, it was my mom and i just missed her so much, i cried?

"I didnt come here for nothing, i ran away from something. And today, it caught up to me"

Finally got those words out, i couldnt believe i just admitted that, not knowing if his response, i left him with that. He keep quite. He knew i wasnt going to spill anything else about it.

As we waited for my bus, the silence between us grew. He didnt spoke a word after that. I went into my bus and bid him goodbye. But i could sense something was wrong. He coldly waved at me and walked away.
The insecurites hit me like a truck once i got in the bus and was all alone.

"Was i too open?"

"Did i scare him away?"

"Am i that bad that i push people
away right from the start?"

Thoughts, questions and the need of answers struck me all at once. I closed my eyes.

"Dont overthink this"

I breath deeply, shutting out anymore thoughts on Jinyoung. I set my alarm clock for school tomorrow. I looked around my room, feeling nostolgic, i remember all the times my parents use to tuck me in bed, memories of me and Jungkook playing pillow fights. I smiled to myself, eventhough i moves here for all the wrong reasons, maybe i could find warmth in this place. The comforting sound of fan make me fall asleep instantly.

3.56am

Shit