Foolish love

chap7.

What on earth is love?

Studity?

False hope?

Whats the point if in the end you are gonna get hurt. Unwilling to accept reality, i felt defeated, defenceless over my own emotions. How can you love someone, remind them that every single day, then they just abandon you. Just because they have the control over someones heart, they still have no right to do that. They leave u broken, completely alone unknowing of the effects of thier actions and words.Does that person forget? Or simply doesnt care of every little you have done for them?

I gave my heart, let down everything. I let myself be vulnerable hoping you would take care my heart but u just left me, Insulted me, made me feel worthless.

Coward,
Asshole,
Selfish.

Words i want to call you but it still hurts when i do. Why cant i get over you? Why cant i move on? I know it all in my head but my heart cant seem to let me go from this pain. Pain. I wish it was physical pain, so it could heal, go away. But this pain doesnt leave me. Memories stuck in my head, playing on repeat.

The way you hold my hand,

the way you looked at me,

the way you called me yours.

The lies, the arguements, the betrayal.

You left me but gave me this merciless pain. Lost in complete despair, i sat on the floor. Crying, over him. I keep remaining myself to stop, that he isnt worth it. But i cant seem to stop the salt from dropping from my eyes. The cold floor makes me shiver, the sound of heavy traffic outside my window doesnt shut out the thoughts in my head. and the sad music coming from my phone doesnt help with my state.I sat the side of my bed,completely drenched in sweat from the nightmares i've been having.

Not wanting my father to see me cry, i bit my hand so the sounds of cries wont be able to reach him. I would only see dissapointment in his eyes if i told him the truth. I got my heart played. I got it broken in half. I was lost in the idea of love. The idea of how someone's presence can make me feel loved without saying anything.

Naive,
stupid,
reckless.

I look at the floor, trying to stop the urge of running to my phone to call him. Funny isnt it? Im dying from all the pain you gave me but i still found comfort in your voice. Not wanting to stay in this position any longer. I took a long shower, the cold water runs down my body, making it numb, For a few seconds, that was excalty how i felt. Numb. I looked at my phone

7.40am

I had to go to school. Unwilling, i pack my bags, slowing putting on my uniform. I put on foundation to cover up the fact i was a hot mess the entire night. The walk to school was quiet as Jungkook wasnt with me. The silence was soothing but it didnt stop me from drowing in my sorrow.

The day went by fast, Jungkook was no where to seen so i spent the entire day roaming the halls alone. I catch myself trying to find Jinyoung but just like Jungkook he wasnt anywhere to be seen. The dismissal bell rang, i quickly packed my bag and walked out of the chaotic classroom. I heard screams coming from the halls. I smirked knowing what that meant .

Jinyoung.

I turned to see him walking down the hall with a bag strapped around his arms. He wore a blue jacket over his uniform and black glasses. He looked at me from a distance, slowing walking to my direction. I stood there frozen, waiting for him to come.His eyes were fixed on mine. Just a few steps away from me, i smiled to him. Right before i put my hands to wave at him, he looked at away, and walked pass me coldly without saying a word.
It felt a punch went hrough my heart plus a pinch of stupidness. I watch him walk away without looking back.

Did he forget about yesterday?

Why didnt he say hi?

Was it about what i said?

Was i too open yesterday?

Questions that i couldnt answer came thru my head. I rolled my eyes and walked out of school. I didnt know why i was so hurt from his simple action but the thought of me opening up to him, telling him so much about myself, confessing why i actually moved here, and he just walked away from me? I didnt want his sympathy but that was straight up mean.

Actually thought he was a good guy. Fueled by the anger i was feeling, i left the school with a cold expression, Just wanted to get home and forget about my reality.

Right when i passed the school gate, i felt to strong hands pulling me to the side.

You again.