Foolish love

Chap21.

"Hi, Im Jason" He smiles at me with his hands in his jacket's pockets . He was wearing a simple tshirt paired with a black jacket. His eyes were clear blue, like sky blue. He had dimples at the side of each cheek. His voice was deep, mesmerizing.

I brush my fallen hair back as i tried to remember how to speak.

"Hi.. im Y/N, I just transferred here"

After moving to the States, i thought the first house we had was permanent. But my mom and dad kept getting moved around alot in their work. So we constantly had to keep moving. I was very much a loner. Everytime i tried making friends, i'll end up moving again. So i gave up on the whole "fitting into society"

"I bet so, cause ur kinda sitting on my seat" He chuckled. Holy crap why is my heart racing right now

"Oh sorry, I'l-"

"No no Please take my seat, i'll just find another place." He brushed his soft black hair and smiles warmly at me. I watched him as he went behind to find a new seat. I smiled at myself ... Jason, how cute.

I had just moved here a couple weeks ago. New town, new faces. I insisted on going to public school though my mom wanted to home-school me. This was my fifth school. By this time i was already 16. I looked back and saw him staring at me, He smiled.

I so dont regret this.

-

Everyday I swallow my pride. Allowing myself to get hurt from him. All his words to overpower mine. Drained myself from my self-esteem as he talks about other girls. As i let him take control over me, i slowly lost a part of myself.

Why did i do it?

Cause i love him. Cause everything makes sense when he is around. Everyone looks at me differently, as i fit into their world.

With every hurtful word that come out of his mouth i ask myself

"Am i okay?"

I'll keep denying the fact that i wasn't. That i am completely broken. But i'll hide to the world, to him and to myself, pretending to be okay with it all. All the lies, the doubts, the painful nights.

Why?

Cause i love him. Because i couldn't live without him. Because i didn't want to be alone.

My relationship with him was toxic. It killed me every single day but let it. I let him break me apart.

I lost myself along the way. I didn't know who i was anymore. I started hanging out more often with his friends than mine own. In the end, i just lost them all. I was surrounded by sexy cheerleaders and masculine jocks who saw as nothing but a nerd dating one of the most handsome guys in the school. All the girls wanted to be my friend but all left me behind once we had split up. I never had attention on me before. I enjoyed it at first. But now when im in crowd, i just want to run away and hide.

He crushed my self-esteem to the point, i couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore. Pinpointing all my flaws and all the imperfections i had.

"Why are u so weird?"

"Why cant you u be more like her?"

Pushing me in anyway he could. I gave u everything didn't i? Was i not good enough? Was i not pretty enough? Am not sexy enough?

Was i just not even worth it?

Those words are constantly following me everywhere. Breaking me down day by day. Haunting till this day.