FSA Series #3: For Ever [ON-HOLD]

ETERNITY 31: I Can't Find The Words To Say Goodbye

Christian's POV

Andito kami ngayon sa Greene's. I guess this will be our last dinner together that's why I made it special and formal.

"Seriously Christian, masyadong formal ang set up ngayon and bakit mo pinasara itong restau?"

"Gusto ko tayo lang ang nandito for tonight."

"Ang selfish mo. Pano naman ung mga taong gustong kumain?" tiningnan ko sya and it's obvious that she cares for those who want to eat in our restau. How could she be that kind?

"Madaming kainan dito sa city. Hindi nag iisa ang Greene's."

"Kahit na." sabi nya.

Tinitigan ko si Ever. Kinakabisado kong maigi ang itsura nya. Ang maganda nyang mukha. Her perfect self. Ayoko syang pakawalan. Ayoko syang saktan.

She's wearing a red cocktail dress ngayon at suot suot nya ung regalo kong necklace sa kanya noong Christmas eve. Tuwing naaalala ko ang mga un, hindi ko maiwasang masaktan.

"You look beautiful as ever."

"Binobola mo na naman ako."

"I'm telling the truth. You're always beautiful."

"Tsk. Fine." nginitian ko lang sya to hide the pain that I'm feeling right now. Ayokong mahalata nya na bothered ako. Maybe hindi naman siguro sya ganun ka-observant katulad ng ate nya. Yes she's observant but not that much which I'm thankful of dahil sa sitwasyong ganto, ayokong mahalata nya ang nararamdaman ko.

"Wait." sabi ko at taka nya akong tiningnan nang umupo ako sa harap ng grand piano.

"You know how to play piano?" hindi ko sya sinagot, instead, I smiled at her at nagsimula nang tumugtog.

(NP: I Can't Find The Words To Say Goodbye by David Gates)

"Can't say I don't love her

Still I can't pretend

That my heart is torn just knowing that

I'm losing by this friend

If it's easier said than done

Then someone tell me why

Though I try, I can't find the words to say goodbye."

I really can't pretend that I don't love her because I love her with all my heart and right now, I don't know how to leave her, knowing that she also loves me.

"I could tell her that I'm sorry

I hope she'll understand

She will have to do with someone else

All that we have planned

I'd rather her hear the truth

Than hurt her with a lie

So I try, but I can't find the words to say goodbye."

I'm really sorry Ever. I'm sorry for everything but I think, you don't deserve me. You deserve someone else, who will love you and will not hurt you like the way I did. I'm sorry.

"Now I know, I have to go

There's no other way

But goodbye is not what I can bring myself to say."

I'm sorry Ever but I have to go outside your world and leave you. It'll be hard for me but trust me, it will be easy for you because I know you'll hate me after this. You'll forget me after this. You'll forget that there's a Christian Greene that existed in your life.

"If I told her 'see you later'

Then I might be wrong

'Cause this voice inside is driving me

To find where I belong

And I know I must leave her now

But everytime I try

Don't know why but I can't find the words to say goodbye

Don't know why but I can't find the words to say goodbye."

I love you Ever but I'm sorry.

"Christian.." tiningnan ko sya at nakatingin lang din sya sa akin. "Is there something wrong? Pansin ko, ang tamlay mo ngayon. Yes, you're smiling but why do I have this feeling that you're not okay?" napansin nya. She's worrying about me. I wonder kung mag aalala pa rin sya sa akin pag nalaman na nya ang lahat.

"I'm okay. There's nothing wrong. Trust me." I walked closely to her and held her hands. Ayoko syang bitawan. Hindi ko kaya.

I sighed and looked at her.

"Tomorrow, 3pm. Grandstand of FSA. I expect you to be there." alam kong may confusion sa mata nya pero hindi na sya nagtanong at tumango na lang.

"Okay but Christian, are you sure you're okay?" damang dama ko ang pag aalala nya.

"Ever."

"Hmmm?"

"Bakit minahal mo ako?" nagulat naman sya sa tanong ko.

"Why did you ask?"

"I want to know." dahil ito na ang huling araw na mamahalin mo ako.

"I love you Christian because you're you." she smiled at me. I'm going to miss that smile, the way she smiles at me. "I love you because you're Christian Greene. You taught me so many things. You made me face my fear. Oo nung una, di tayo magkasundo. I hate you to death but I didn't expect na magbabago un. I love you no matter what."

"Kahit saktan kita?"

"Kahit saktan mo ako, ayos lang. Parte lang naman un ng pagmamahal eh. Ang mahalaga, mahal pa rin natin ang isa't isa." hindi ko maiwasang maiyak nang marinig ko ang sinabi nya. I tried to compose myself but I can't. Si Ever ang mawawala sa akin dito. Ang babaeng pinakaminamahal ko.

I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back.

"I love you so much Ever." tiningnan ko sya while my tears are falling. Pinunasan nya un gamit ang kamay nya and smiled at me again.

"I love you too Christian."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at hinalikan ko na sya..

Our last kiss.