PHASES [Poems By Shaun Alvar]

Goner

On the way home
Four
The number of times
i broke down in tears with people around me
But no one to ask me why
Or offer a piece of tissue

Maybe I was quite convincing
Cowering behind the darkness
Discreetly, every few seconds
Wiping the tears away

I was just told off that I wasn't a capable leader
My mistake
I didn't reply to her email
For a period of 24 hours
I am sorry I'm incapable
I know I'm incapable

I'm not gonna make any excuses
I'm just tired
Physically, emotionally and mentally
No matter how many times I tell myself to think positively,
I relapse to the darkest corner of my brain
Music doesn't seem to be cutting it anymore

Maybe I should try death this time
At least when I'm dead, I won't hear these thoughts anymore

I will never be good enough
I will never be as normal as you want me to be
No one can help me now
I am a goner.

Hey Strangers, okay this week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. This really happened to me and I'm still thinking how I'm still here, alive after everything's that happened. But that's what you gotta do, keep moving forward and press on. Just do you and keep your head up when life gets you down.