PHASES [Poems By Shaun Alvar]

Suicide Note

To whom it may concern
If you're reading this
It means I'm gone
Free from this wretched and cruel world

There's alot I wish I could tell you in person
But I was afraid that if I did
You'd want me to stay
And that would be a bad mistake
One I can't afford to make, not anymore

I'm sorry I waited to this day, in this letter, to finally tell you the truth
That even in my youth, all I saw was despair
What good would it bring to the people around me if I spared myself?
Nothing but wasted space
And struggle for fresh air
Over your shoulders, at the window I stared
Dare I jump?
Dare I fall one last time and never get up?

Am I being selfish for wanting this?
For once, can I put myself before everyone else's needs
Everyone tells me I'm fine
Cause the doctor says I'm alright
How could you possibly know what goes on in my mind?
Dare I jump?
Dare I stay?
I'm dead either way
The way it eats at my head
Like a worm burrowing its way to an apple's core

It feeds to stay alive
I'm too weak, I'm telling you I won't survive
So it's time I say my goodbyes
Lies I no longer can tell nor deny
Smiles I can no longer hide behind
No way out, my only escape is suicide

I love you, don't cry
Don't miss me
Don't think about me
Just don't let me be a burden even when I'm dead