The (After) Life Of The Party...

I've got a girl by my side, but a boy in the grave.

I'm a realist and an optimist
But I swear to you, I'm not getting over this - State Champs, All you are is history.

The funerals were held on a Friday, three black coffins all in a row.

Patrick's was on the left, Tyler's in the middle and Mikey's on the right.
"I really like you."
"Awwww thanks dude I really like you too." He turned a deep shade of pink.
"No, Pete, I mean I really like you."

I spotted Patrick's family. His mother was crying silently into her husband's shoulder. Mr Stump turned to give me the coldest stare he could. Patrick's eyes gave me the coldest stare they could. If looks could kill. It spoke with an extremity that read as "this is all your fault." I turned away. This was no time for conflict. Besides, I had no points to make. He's right. I realised it then, and had to bite down hard on my lip to keep the floodgates closed. I think I drew blood.

I was standing alone; Joe and Andy had gone to confront their friends and family. They did ask me to come but I had shaken my head bitterly and never lifted my gaze off the three coffins.

I was selfish. Selfish enough to still think I had the right to be here, when one of the most beautiful and kindest people I had known was now being lowered into a pit of earth. I wanted to scream. I felt sick. Why me? What had I ever done to another person to deserve to still be here?

"Why aren't I dead!!?" I screamed Everyone turned round to stare but I had reached so far into hysterics that I couldn't turn back now. "WHY ME? I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE, WHY DIDNT YOU KILL ME?!!"
Brendon just laughed.

Joe and Andy grabbed my arms and started carrying me like a little kid having a tantrum to the car. Brendon just laughed at me more and I screamed louder, trying to fight my friends off to go and punch his fucking smug face. And more.

All the way home I bawled my fucking eyes out with Andy hugging me close to him on the backseats, Joe driving. I should be in hell. I realised then that I am. Hell on earth.

And I can't survive it without him.