Memories

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Charles," Erik whispered, and Charles wanted to scream. He wanted to sob. He wanted to throw the biggest damn tantrum that anyone's ever seen.

"Erik, don't," Charles warned, fighting back tears as he pushed Erik off of him. It wasn't fair; every time Charles came close to happiness, something always happened! Charles forced himself to sit up, turning away from Erik as best he could.

"Charles, don't shut me out," Erik begged, trying to turn Charles's face back to him. The telepath swatted the hand away, fury rising in him. "Why shouldn't I? You shut me out," Charles replied defensively, and Charles could feel Erik's emotions as if they were his own. Pain, sympathy, longing, regret...

Then, anger.

"The helmet is none of your concern," Erik growled, furious.

"Why won't you just stop wearing the helmet?" Charles exclaimed, equally angry and frustrated.

"Why can't you trust me without being in my mind?" Erik screamed back.

"What do you have to hide in your head?" Charles shot back angrily.

"You have trust issues, my friend. You don't trust someone if you can't get in their heads," Erik growled back.

"I've never had someone I couldn't access the mind of not hurt me." Charles glared at the other man.

"I don't want you in my head!" Erik screamed, slamming his fist down on the bed.

"The first time I couldn't read your thoughts, you killed a man and paralyzed me!" Charles shouted right back, throwing a glass that had been left on the nightstand from some long night of drinking at the wall.

"It was Shaw! You knew I could never leave him alive! You knew!" Erik shouted back.

"And you knew I wouldn't approve!" Both of their breathing was heavy, both struggling to calm down after finally letting out how they felt.

"Yet I still love you," Charles breathed, staring into his eyes, a hand drifting up to hover near Erik's cheek before finally resting there. Erik paused, then the metal bender began leaning in. Erik's lips connected with Charles's, the two sharing a sweet kiss that conveyed all the love and longing they'd bottled up for so long.

When they broke apart for air, Erik broke the silence that had descended upon them. "We can take this slowly. We don't have to rush into anything. Just please, don't shut me out again," Erik pleaded, and Charles was helpless to refuse him this request.

After a slow nod from the telepath, Erik gently kissed him; it was a slow, passionate kiss- a promise between the two.

Erik reluctantly got off the bed, going to the door. He paused for a moment beside where the helmet laid on the dresser. Erik's hand laid upon it, poised to pick it up, and Charles held his breath. His lungs burned during those few moments as Erik picked it up, waiting to see what the tall, Jewish-German would do.

Charles thought that Erik would place it upon his head once more, cutting Charles off from him, and his heart was breaking; instead, Erik looked back at Charles with indecision and left the room.

No shiny, magenta helmet upon his head.

Erik slowly closed the door, leaning his head against the door once it was closed. Erik took a deep breath, summoning up his courage to stop himself from rushing back into the room and kissing Charles hard and fast.

Erik turned and saw Emma leaning on the wall next to him, looking disapproving. Emma had become the older sister to Erik, both having gone through things that no one should ever have to at the hands of Sebastian Shaw. Unfortunately, because they had become close, Emma was willing to tell Erik exactly how she felt.

"Erik, I've said it once, I'll say it again: this isn't a good idea. Charles doesn't understand that humans will never accept us, but we do. We have to protect the mutant race from mankind," Emma replied, eyeing the helmet in Erik's hand.

Erik craved to put the helmet on his head once more under the White Queen's close scrutiny, but Erik kept himself from doing so. He'd silently promised Charles to not shut him out either, but that means that he's susceptible to Emma's powers. While they were close, Erik did not trust Emma.

"I lost Charles once; I won't lose him again." Emma's lips pressed together in a firm line of distaste. "Have you ever been in love, Emma?" Erik questioned, and her mouth fell open a bit in shock. A sharp inhale of breath could be heard, as if Erik had hurt her. Then, she turned and walked briskly away, her perpetual swing to her hips less noticeable now.

Erik watched her go, a bit confused by her reaction and piteous. While Erik's love for Charles was painful, he would never have known happiness without his mother without Charles. Loving Charles was condemning, yet redeeming; it was the best and the worst. Erik wouldn't trade meeting Charles for the world. Charles was the light in Erik's dark world, illuminating the shadows of him mind and reminding him that life wasn't just vengeance and depression. There was love, too, and that was the biggest revelation Erik had ever experienced.

Emma tried to blink away the tears blurring her vision, but they were persistent. She had loved, once. He had been a simple, loving man that hadn't cared what she was capable of. He'd only wanted to keep her happy- for them to be happy together. But Shaw had taken him away; Sebastian Shaw loved causing pain, so he took the one thing that Emma had lived for to keep her under his thumb.

Emma's love made her question Shaw's leadership. Made her want to rebel, to escape the cruelty and emotionless life she was forced to live. So, Shaw took the love of her life out of the equation, and Emma had embraced the emotionless lifestyle after that. Leaving Shaw would mean she'd have to face the loss of Carwyn.

Now, with Shaw gone and Erik not wearing the helmet, she was being forced to acknowledge her emotions once more instead of burying them deeper than any normal telepath would bother to look.