Memories

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Erik, I don't think I can stay here much longer," Raven said, entering Erik's personal room. He had been lounging on his bed, reading a good book when she had interrupted him. From any of his other team members, he would not have tolerated the interruption, but this was his love's baby sister. For her, he'd make the exception.

"And why is that, Mystique?" He asked the blue girl, sighing. He only addressed Raven as Mystique aloud, choosing to still think of her with the name Charles loved rather than her given alias; but, since she preferred Mystique, he called her that aloud to appease her.

"Everyone here, besides our team, hates me. I can't leave my room without receiving glares. Even the ones I never directly hurt hate me," Raven explained, her tone almost a whine.

"The twins? Kitty? Marie and Bobby?" Erik retorted.

"Children too small to know better don't count," Raven replied, annoyed.

"Charles still loves you. And everyone here hates me as well. They hate us because we hurt people they care about. If anyone hurt Charles, we both would hate them. Unfortunately, we both hurt Charles. A part of you hates me for that. You hate me for hurting Charles, and you partially blame me for you hurting Charles," Erik replied gently, placing his book gently beside him. Erik had always seen right through her in that regard.

Raven went to deny hating him, went to say she loved and admired him, but the words got caught somewhere in her throat. Her mind absorbed the words, analyzing her feelings and running over all the emotions she'd felt since Cuba.

The denial would be a lie.

But a part of her hated herself too, for hurting her teammates and her big brother.

"Erik, what are we going to do?" Raven asked, her voice barely a whisper. Erik held open his arms, offering the blue girl comfort. She slowly climbed on the bed and into his arms, seeking solace in the ever-changing world they lived in. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back gently.

"We're going to hang in there for Charles. We'll do what we couldn't after Cuba; we're going to stay for Charles. He needs us, just like we need him. Hopefully one day he'll forgive us, and then maybe, just maybe, we'll forgive ourselves," Erik replied calmly, his voice filled with conviction. Raven sighed, snuggling into his chest. She remembered the night he'd kissed her, calling her beautiful.

She didn't begrudge Erik for their moment, for leading her on. They'd both been in a relationship of sorts at the time. Erik had been with Charles, even though it wasn't official, and Raven and Hank had been starting something. They'd both known the facts, but she still had gone to him that night, hurt and needing acceptance- love.

Erik had been torn, wanting a normal, straight relationship but loving Charles. He'd been desperate to see if he could possibly manage a relationship with her, but they both realized soon after that the other just wasn't what the heart wanted.

Raven wanted Hank to love her for her, and Erik wanted Charles wrapped up in his arms.

"Erik, I love you. I'm not in love with you, but sometimes I wish I was, and I wished you loved me instead of Charles. Everything would be so much easier." Raven sighed with relief, the admittance sliding out of her throat easier than expected.

"Sometimes I wish that, too. But it's Charles's eyes that I see over and over when I close my eyes, not your striking yellow eyes," Erik replied gently, still rubbing her back.

"And I still can't get Hank out of my head. He hurt me, but he's what my heart aches for. Why is that? Why do we always go for those who aren't good for us?" Raven murmured, tears brimming her eyes as she remembered Hank's harsh words what felt like a lifetime ago.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," Erik replied simply, sadness tainting his statement. Erik mistreated Charles, but Charles accepted the behavior because he knew there were so few chances at love, even if the love was stained black. Raven accepted Hank's thorny love because she couldn't see her own self-worth.

"You don't deserve my brother," Raven said softly, truthfully. It wasn't said with malice, but more blunt honesty. Erik understood what she was saying. Charles deserved the world, and Erik agreed.

"And Hank doesn't deserve you," Erik responded, equally honest. It hurt Raven's heart to hear, but she knew it was true. Hank didn't love her true form. He loved the cute, human form she took on. Raven loved every mutant part of Hank, but he did not in return. It was true, no matter how she looked at it.

A knock sounded on the door, and Erik released her then, Raven crawling out of his arms. "Come in," Erik called, and the White Queen stepped in, eyeing them. "I could feel Raven's distress," Emma said in lieu of greeting, pointedly looking at the helmet atop Erik's. She wouldn't have been able to tell Erik was comforting Raven except for Raven's thoughts.

"I just was having a minor meltdown. I'm okay now," Raven said, and Emma knew she was honestly okay- expect for a few little remaining doubts- because she checked her thoughts.

"I think you've been avoiding a certain someone too long," Emma reprimanded lightly, and all three knew who she was talking about.

Hank.

"They all still love you, it's just they're covering their hurt with anger. Hank keeps a distance to save his heart. Sean isn't certain that we aren't here to hurt Charles, and Alex is afraid you'll betray them again, breaking Charles more. Darwin doesn't know how to feel, he's just worried about you hurting his family," Emma continued, Raven's guilt growing as she continued. They'd lost faith in her. They didn't believe she'd stick around. They still cared for her, even after the betrayal. Not for the first time, she doubted her decision to leave them.

"If I talk to Hank, you have to talk to Logan," Mystique retorted, determination in her eyes. "You knew?" Emma asked with horror, mortified that she could be read so easily.

"No, you're not that easy to read, but your breath hitches whenever he's near, and you become infinitely more interested if he's ever mentioned in conversation. I'm the closest thing you have to a best friend, a sister. I know little things like that about you," Raven answered easily, smiling triumphantly at being able to read the cold woman.

"Fine, I'll chat with him, but you have to sweet-talk Hank, sugar," Emma agreed sternly, causing Raven to giggle in excitement before she was consumed with dread.