Memories

Chapter Twenty-Six

Raven could hardly sleep in the same house she'd grown up in with Charles after she'd run away. All she could think about was how she'd betrayed her family, how she didn't belong in this house. She didn't deserve the roof over her head, the comfortable room of her childhood, or anything Charles offered out of the kindness of his heart.

She deserved the worst sort of treatment she could receive.

But yet, she couldn't quite regret her decision. Yes, she wished she could have been there for her brother after he was injured, but she had needed to leave. Erik had needed her more, and she'd needed to realize who she was away from the watchful, oppressive eyes of her dear older brother.

Mystique had found who she was away from his gaze that made her feel so small.  She'd discovered just how much she was worth, and that she was more than just whatever pretty face she morphed into.

Now, though, she felt like she was back to square one. She felt so little again, so misplaced and so useless. She felt insecure and like an outcast. She didn't belong in this wonderful, loving place anymore- she never had. This wasn't her home anymore- it was just the place where she lived.

"I was scared, you know," Angel said quietly, her knees drawn to her chest. They were sitting on Raven's bed, her door closed. They'd become best friends when Mystique joined Erik's team, and often talked hours into the night.

Raven peered over at her, thinking. Raven had felt betrayed by Angel when she'd left the X-Men, just like the boys. When she had joined Magneto, she learned to ignore how she felt about Angel, and even got to the point of friends. She finally understood Angel when she joined Erik's cause, and she never brought it up. Never spoke about how she heard Alex cry quietly in the library, whimpering about Darwin. She never mentioned how Sean had seemed so rejected after it all went down. She never mentioned how they blamed Angel slightly for Darwin's death. Raven had never seen a need to bring it up.

But Angel felt the accusations thrown at her back. She felt the hate-filled stares. Darwin hadn't spoken to either girl yet, and Alex seemed to always put himself between Darwin and Angel when they were all three in a room together. It was like Alex was always ready for someone to try to take Darwin away from him again. She couldn't blame him.

Raven didn't want to admit this either, but that feeling of betrayal she'd long buried also seemed to be resurfacing as she was around her old team longer.

"I know, Angel. You were hurt by the words of those agents, and you had no clue if we could even stand a chance against Shaw. I get it." Raven hoped Angel would just drop the subject. Raven understood it, but she didn't agree with it either. She'd lived and breathed Charles's dream at the time, wanting to make sure Charles lived to see his own dream instead of getting killed along the way. Angel didn't, and that's something Raven didn't understand.

Angel quieted after that, a pensive, sad look on her face. Raven knew that Angel hadn't meant to betray them when she'd left, but that's what she accomplished. Angel had cared for them, but Shaw had frightened and charmed her. No one had been there to protect the untrained, mutant kids, and so she'd been desperate for safety. It wasn't her fault.

But something in Raven still rose in retaliation, hissing about how Angel could have stayed with them, trusted Charles and Erik- believed in their team.

Then again, that's what the boys thought of Raven, too.

The door opened then, revealing Janos and Azazel. Both hadn't really surfaced since they'd arrived, Erik's team taking turns bringing the men food. Both didn't deal very well with so many people, so both were still trying to adjust. They came into the room, shutting the door behind them, and sat on Raven's bed with them.

"I don't like it here." Azazel's Russian accent was thick as he somewhat pouted, his shoulder brushing Janos's. "They are... Quite perky people. It's odd," Janos added, an uncomfortable look on his face. Both hadn't really had much kindness in their lives, so it was extremely unnatural to them to see such happy, kind people.

"Yeah, they are," Raven said, staring at the door that led right back to her old family, to the people she abandoned. "They're fun," Angel mumbled, burying her face in her knees.

"Wow, you two are pretty messed up about this," Janos observed, his eyebrows raising.

"This is all Erik's fault," Raven said, turning back to her friends, anger and resentment rising. "He dragged us back here, not caring even an ounce about how we felt about this! He's forcing us to live with the enemy just so he can screw my brother!" Raven exclaimed, hitting the bed with a balled up fist.

Janos and Azazel eyed her with surprise and curiosity, but Angel stayed in the same position. Mystique quickly realized her slip and went to correct it. "Uh, I mean, so he can screw Charles." Hard to hate the 'enemy' if she kept acknowledging her relationship with their leader.

"Which are you angrier about- living with the enemy or Erik's feelings for your brother?" Janos asked curiously, teasingly.

Raven's teeth ground together, her jaw clenching. Her hands were balled into tight fists, and she wanted to hit someone. Azazel and Janos shared a knowing glance, and now she really wanted to hit them. "Erik needs to get his priorities straight," Raven ground out between her teeth, and the boys smirked.

"You know, everyone needs companionship. You can't tell us that you don't want to storm right downstairs to that lab and kiss Beast like there's no tomorrow," Azazel shot at her, and Raven recoiled with surprise. She hadn't thought she was so obvious.

Rage crossed Raven's blue features, fire in her yellow eyes, and she stormed out of the room and into the hallway. If she had stayed one more minute in that room, she would have hit the boys. She could hear their cackling as she left the room, and that just served to anger her more.

Raven froze when she realized Hank was standing right there, seeing her. His blue fur on his head was tousled, and his glasses were small on his face, his lab coat the only sign that he was a doctor. He might believe he was ugly, but Raven couldn't help thinking that he was still handsome.

They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes. Then, he turned and walked away, leaving Raven alone in the corridor.