Somewhere In Neverland

I Let You Go

My problem is that I get attached, but I don't realize it until years after the friendship or relationship drifts away. Like literally, I've been going on and on about this, but I'm serious. He (name not exposed to you people) was an amazing friend. Like seriously. I really miss him. And the worst part is that I say "hi" to him and he says "hi" back almost everyday day when we pass each other in the hall. Like literally five minutes ago while leaving for school we passed each other in the hall and said "hi". I put a smile on my face and he did to. But yeah, I tried to concentrate on how he reacted.

His smile is more knowing. Like he knows how we never talk anymore. I can tell he feels bad about it, but I can also tell that I feel worse. Like his reaction is the same but not as bad. He doesn't miss the friendship as much as me. That sucks.

Every day we say "hi" and smile, but nothing more. It's been like that for almost two years. Now I know I said I get too attached to people. I do. But like I said, I don't realized until later. Much later. When it's too late. It hurts knowing that I could talk to him and he would be happy to talk to me, but I can't because I have nothing to talk about.

I have no reason to suddenly start talking to him again. And it really is bull that I just now feel bad about it all. That I just now regret letting the friendship go. I honestly am a terrible person; a terrible friend. I feel horrible. I honestly want to cry about this. And it hurts so frickin much to know that I have his number in my phone, but I'm too afraid to use it. I'm too afraid to text him "hi". He would ask why and he would feel awkward. I just know it. And again after he awkwardly texts me back something like "hey" or whatever, I wouldn't know what to say. At all...

You know that question where its like: "If u could go back in time and fix one mistake you've made, what/which one would you choose?" Well this is it. This is my answer. I would go back in time and never let the friendship slip away. {I have no feelings beyond friendship for this person but I just really miss being his friend} Xx