valdez/lazaro

like a bastard on a burning sea part 4

they were sitting on the hood of the car, neither one had said a thing in 10 minutes, just looking absentmindedly at the small amount of cars that would occasionally pass by.

"den?"

"shut it Ly, i'm the only who one can talk okay? i'm the only one who gets to ask the questions."

alyssa nods.

"where did you go after i kicked you out?"

"bea's. i didn't know where else to go. Alam mo bang the first thing i told her when she let me in was how much i wanted to go home."

dennise doesn't want to look at her and feel pity, she doesn't deserve it.

"kamusta ka na?"

"i don't know."

"anong i don't know? anong klaseng sagot yan?"

"den please it's not like that-"

"interrupt me one more fucking time and I swear iiwanan kita dito."

alyssa shuts up after that.

den wants to ask, needs to ask.

"bat mo ginawa. You're so fucking selfish ly bat mo ginawa!"

den could feel alyssa's breath hitch.

"eh kasi-" alyssa refuses to look at her gaze, hands fiddling with the edges of her shirt.

"don't you dare look away from me! wala kang karapatan. spit it out! " dennise yells, growing impatient at alyssa's attempt to stall her.

"please don't shout, eto na oh."

dennise waits, waiting for an answer she wasn't so sure she was ready for.

"natakot ako. about the future, about us. a child is well, a lot to take in, i don't know what came over me."

"it's not enough." dennise says through gritted teeth. already she could feel the anger radiating from her entire body. "kulang pa." she spits out, "I need something better than that Ly! I can't fucking live with that."

alyssa walks away, stopping a few feet away from den.

she couldn't bear to watch her walk away.

she turns around, looking at the libero calmly, yet there was still sadness and regret in her eyes.

"we were, what? 16 when we first met? then we attended the same school together, hooked up after a year, and then suddenly i'm 24 and you're 25 and  we're talking about baby names and what room color the kid would probably like and I was, i was so scared den. I couldn't help but think na ang bata pa natin, that everything was going too fast."

den gulps, wanting to throw up yet again.

"so what? you pretended to want a kid with me just to make me feel better? ganun ba? cause it almost worked until you said you fucking slept with someone else!"

"of course i wanted it! "

"Then why go through all the trouble?! bat hindi mo nalang ako  sinabihan na we were moving too fast?!"