valdez/lazaro

like a bastard on the burning sea part 3

it's been a month.

It's been a month and saying alyssa's name still stings but atleast it doesn't make her want to throw up. Ella had witnessed that firsthand when she accidentally talked about meeting up with the taller one for the weekend, and before she knew it dennise's lunch was all over her shirt.

in all honesty if it wasn't for her friends stealing her credit cards and paying all her bills, maybe she'd be kicked out of the apartment by now so she really was grateful.

Ella shows up 5 days in a week to stop her from doing shit she shouldn't, amy comes every 2 days to make sure she still maintained proper hygiene and bea pops by every once in a while to occasionally update her about how alyssa was doing.

Speaking of, she just now realizes that she hasn't seen the girl in a month. a solid month. She can't remember the last time they were apart from each other for that long, which leads to the question if they had truly broken up or if they were just taking an awfully long break, but shit alyssa had cheated on her for fuck's sake, she shouldn't even consider the thought of them getting back together.

and yet she did.

pero shit, she missed her. she missed hearing her voice, she could barely remember how it sounded like now and it scared her.

her eyes linger at her phone. usually ella hid it to stop dennise from drunk calling alyssa, but apparently she had forgotten to do that today, and her silver iphone was starting to look very tempting.

"bahala na" she thinks as she grabs it and stares at it for a while. already she'd forgotten she had a phone in the first place.

she eventually finds alyssa's name on her contact list, the heart emoji next to her name makes her want to throw up in her mouth but she holds it in, her thumb lingering dangerously close against the call icon.

before she could change her mind, she does it.

it rings five times before going straight to voicemail.

"hi this is alyssa, leave a message."

the sick feeling was back just as quickly as it was gone and she struggles to stop herself from running to the bathroom. Now she remembers. now she remembers how sweet and innocent her voice sounded like. literal music to her ears.

suddenly she's relieved the taller one hadn't picked up because what the hell was she supposed to say now.

maybe she'd tell her that nights have been lonelier without her around, or that dennise made breakfast for two people for a week before realizing that she shouldn't anymore, but then a hard reality comes into her mind.

they were going to have a baby.

"i hate going inside the bedroom." she blurts the first thing in her mind. "everything smells like you and i hate it kasi naalala kita and for a while okay lang because whenever i smell your perfume i kept thinking na "okay lang, you're just at work and babalik ka and it will all be alright" pero tangina alyssa you slept with someone else and alam kong you couldn't live with the idea na hindi mo sinabi sa akin, pero what makes you think na you thought I could." her hands were shaking again, that was always a bad sign.

"Tapos you did it after i told our friends we planned on adopting. Gago ka ba? do you know how humiliating it was to have to explain what you've done to us? what you've done to me?" She was angry now, angry and a little sad. okay maybe a lot sad.