valdez/lazaro

Dear you part 2

Part 2 for those who wanted it. (Based on the but you didn't poem.)

This is rushed lol

Dear you,

i'm so mad at you. I am so mad i want to scream and throw things and curse the heavens for taking you away from me.

I'll admit i was not the perfect secret girlfriend to you. I said some things that i didn't mean when i got mad, and sometimes i get jealous over the smallest things, but you were always so patient with me Ly, so caring. It wasn't hard at all for me to love you, even though my first impression of you was, well, kind of a dumbass.

Back to my main point, no matter how many times i screwed you over, you stayed. You knew i had a reputation at school, not a good one at that, but you stayed. You got to know the real me. The real dennise lazaro. The me that only showed itself to you.

Fuck i miss you so much ly. I miss you just being here. With me.

Remember that time when i told you to come with me sa birthday ng friend kong si Vero? And i forgot to tell you na formal pala so you showed up wearing skinny jeans and a white tanktop while everyone else wore a dress? I thought you'd leave.

But you didn't. You endured through the whole night even if our batchmates were staring at you.

When i texted you that i wanted icecream tapos you said we couldn't go out because it would rain pero i insisted anyway then we got wet trying to run to 7/11?

I thought you'd rub it in my face how you were right but you didn't.

When i brought LA to that party and you stormed out, i was so sure you were going to break up with me.

But you didn't, you held my hand and told me it was alright.

When i told you i wanted to hide us from the public for a while, i thought you would disagree.

But you didn't, you kissed me on the forehead and told me that you were fine with whatever i was planning.

When i asked you why you had headaches frequently i thought you told me the truth when you said dahil yun sa stress ng thesis mo.

But you didn't. You were just using it as an excuse and i'm sorry i didn't see through it earlier.

When you broke up with me that night i thought you'd take it back and tell me you still loved me.

But you didn't. You walked away without looking back.

When LA courted me again i thought you'd get jealous.

But you didn't. You barely spared me a glance when you saw me and him together.

When ella told me you dropped out of school because of personal problems, i thought you'd tell me the reason why you'd leave me without an explanation."

But you didn't. I waited almost everyday, hoping you'd call.

There were so many things i wanted to say to you, to make up to you for the things i did. I wanted to go to your house and surprise you as soon as you woke up.

But you didn't.

I called your house, they told me nasa hospital ka raw. I was shocked, i didn't even know you were sick.

I don't know how long i stood outside that hospital Ly. naduwag ako.

When i got in there and asked for you name, they told me you were gone. Two hours ago to be exact.

I was devastated. I don't think i've ever cried for so long in my life.

They gave me your letter after the procession.

It hurts so much ly, it hurts so much.

I love you but i also hate you for leaving me, for taking away the possibility of there ever being an us. I know its not your fault but shit i need someone to blame because i cant blame anyone and it hurts so bad.

I'm going to pretend like you'll write me back because thats the only way i'll stay sane.

But you won't.