Deciding on You || a.i. (Book 2)

13 | Maddie

Calum is late, I think. I'm not entirely sure. He didn't give me a heads up on what time he would be coming to get me, but now that it's almost 9 o'clock, I'm afraid he won't be coming at all. I guess it's not too much of a loss, though. He didn't tell me what we were doing, either.

I thought that I would have trouble existing today, but I actually got out of bed. It isn't my first Valentine's Day without a boyfriend, and every one before this one went by just fine.

Once I realized that it was my choice not to be with Ashton today, it made getting out of bed a lot easier. While I still can't stop thinking about him, this is the best option. Soon, I'll be able to think straight and figure this whole situation out without his influence.

For now, I'm just hoping to spend a few hours without thinking about him. That is the one disappointing thing about Calum possibly standing me up. That, and the fact that not a single boy seems to have a problem lying to me.

I sit cross-legged on the couch in the living room, hoping maybe he just forgot to text me and will be pulling into my driveway any second. The pen in my hand taps the paper of my journal as I try to pass the time, but I can't get a decent sentence written down.

Journaling seemed like an answer to my problems, but what am I supposed to do when my thoughts are too much of a whirlwind to even decipher and write down? I can't "keep track of my feelings" like my therapist says this will help me to do if I can't even keep track of my thoughts.

To start, I write down the two names that are on my mind, Calum and Ashton, and underline the both of them.

As soon as I do, though, a pros and cons list seems silly. I haven't spent enough time with Calum to have many cons for him, and Ashton is...Ashton.

When I was in middle school, I finally get to writing, I would have loved to have to choose between two guys, but it never ever could have happened then. I think I liked that better. Choosing one boy is hard enough.

Just as I'm starting to get my thoughts together and put them down, Cooper comes running down the stairs. He doesn't look at me or talk to me, but goes right to the coat rack to put his winter jacket on over his plain gray flannel.

"Where are you going?" I ask. Our mom went out with someone, I think, so there's no possible way he could get anywhere.

"Out," he says, just like he did yesterday.

"Well, where?" I say impatiently. "You better not be going out with Lily."

"Same place I go every night," he scowls, "And don't even start. You're the one still stuck so far up Ashton's ass you're in his god damn throat."

"At least he didn't cheat on me with my best friend," I try, feeling my cheeks burn. I can't even deny what he said. After all, Ashton's pretty much all I can think about.

"Yeah, he just cheated on you with your brother's girlfriend."

I sink lower in my seat, but perk up when I see headlights shine in through the front window. Cooper opens the door and runs outside, and I check my phone for anything from Calum.

I somehow missed his text saying Sorry, heading to you. be there in 10 ten minutes ago.

"It's for you," Cooper grumbles, pulling Calum back inside with him.

As much as I think about Ashton, I can't help the smile that spreads across my face when I see him. God, I am a mess.

I close my notebook and jump up out of my seat. Cooper is leaving in any minute, and hopefully I'll be back before he can read the little bit of personal things I have written in it. It's not like it's very revealing, anyway.