Deciding on You || a.i. (Book 2)

28 | Ashton

Reagan is eyeing me from across the room while she runs a brush through Maddie's long hair. While Maddie hasn't been at her studio long enough to be in the rest of today's recital, they talked their instructor into letting them choreograph a pas de deux, or whatever.

Whatever it's called, they're dancing together tonight.

They've been doing each other's makeup for the last hour, and it's a lot more than I've ever seen on either of them. I guess they call it "stage makeup," which makes sense I guess. Either way, Maddie has been sitting up on her bed excitedly this whole time, and my heart leaps every time her eyes sparkle.

Every time I see her like this, it's a reminder that something is working. It makes every time that she's dejected or full of so much anxiety that she screams seem worth it. It means that everything isn't perfect, but she's getting somewhere.

"I still can't believe you've forgiven Ashton after what happened," Reagan says, as if I'm not sitting down here and can't hear every word she says. She continues pulling the brush through any kinks in Maddie's hair, and I roll my eyes.

"UNO!" Michael shouts next to me, dancing in his seat. He holds the card up, but Cooper smirks.

"Draw two, bitch," he says, smacking his card down on the discard pile as if this is the most important game in the world.

"Can you please stop talking badly about him?" Maddie asks softly, fiddling with the bobby pins in her hands. Reagan presses her hand to her back and Maddie leans forward, flipping her hair with her.

"He threatened to smash Calum's face in with a bowling ball," she says. She brushes the underside of Maddie's hair and pulls it up into a ponytail. Once it's secured, Maddie sits back up, frowning. "He's the reason Cal's not coming today, you know."

Cooper clears his throat, his elbow nudging me in my side. "Your turn."

I glance down at my hand of cards and then at the discard pile. I guess I can put anything down on top of 'draw two.' I grab a random card and let it fall onto the pile, still distracted.

"It's his grandma's birthday," Maddie gives a half-laugh, looking to me. I smile only slightly and stare back down at my hand. It's gonna be my turn to go again soon enough, anyway. "Ash is just insecure...and protective. The stuff at the bowling alley was my fault."

She's right about me, at least. There's a difference between what I am and possessive, or at least I think there is. I don't and will never feel like I own Maddie. It's more like I can't help but continue to do everything wrong and feel like she's slipping away from me slowly with each second that passes.

Ever since Reagan yelled at me last week, it's been all I can think of. It's one thing for her dad to say something like that, but another for one of our friends to. Maybe I am terrible for her, just like Ethan, and we're just the only two people who can't see it.

I've been trying to be better and do better, but maybe there's just no use.

"It's not your fault. Don't say that," I speak up, putting a red 7 on top of Michael's green one. Reagan's eyes have softened when I look back up at Maddie. "Don't ever say something I did was your fault."

"It's just," Maddie sighs, her shoulders slumping while Reagan twists the ponytail in some intricate way. She reaches down and grabs a bobby pin from Maddie's hands. "I didn't say anything, so I made you guess what was wrong. I just felt crazy."

Reagan opens her mouth to say something, but quickly snaps it shut, looking to me. Probably more of her pseudo-inspirational bullshit. I put another card down, and Cooper and Michael continue to play slowly.