ZeRoyalChaos||I Loved You, You Know

I Loved You, You Know

Another long day; another late night, Anthony thought to himself, sitting beside an equally exhausted Steven on the couch.

They had been talking together for a while after the others had gone to sleep and he was staring off at the sleeping faces on the floor. His lips were parted, waiting to say more. His tongue slowly licked over them, but they remained dry.

Only the sound of breathing and snoring echoed through the room now. That is until Steven turned to him, staring into his eyes, though they seemed to be seeing through him instead.

"What's home to you?" he asked, voice soft and raspy. Bags hung under his eyes and Anthony felt bad, wanting to urge him to sleep, but he knew he couldn't get his friend to do much unless he was willing to.

"Home?" he asked back, raising an eyebrow, but received no more than a few tired blinks. "Home," he repeated, this time sighing and letting his tired mind speak to himself.

The first thoughts that came to mind spilled from his mouth and he had his eyes trained on Steven's lips, watching as they seemed to mirror his words.

"Home is the feel of brown curls under my fingers, caressing them as they wrap around and pull them into the bird's nest that you call hair. I love watching the way they bounce, the way they bob over your shining green ocean called eyes.

Home is the way a song reaches my ears once your lips open. It's the way you speak, the honey rushing out, the melody plugging their buds into my ears until it's the only thing I hear and everything is drowned by your ballad. The way your voice draws me in and your dangerously intoxicating laugh; I can't help but draw to you like a moth.

Home is the way you shiver under my touch and melt, and I to you. The way your body curls right into mine like the other half of the moon; the dark side only belongs to my eyes. Your soft, smooth skin under rough fingers; the shine of sweat and a blanket of limbs and flesh- all this belonging to me. I am presented a shrine."

A short breath and a brief pause enveloped the room, seeming to constrict and tighten around them. Anthony's chest tightened, a balloon occupying the cavity of his chest, yet there still seemed to be a cavern of space where his heart belonged. It was getting hot, thick, and walls were closing in around them.

"Home," he pressed on, "is where your lips capture mine. Poking my tongue out to caress yours, brush over a smooth, yet chapped surface. Where my teeth break skin and your lips swell against mine as I pull them back then press them together once more. With your hand behind my head and my fingers around your waist-"

"I'm sorry," Steven's voice interrupted him. Anthony looked up in confusion at the green eyes that were now surrounded by a splash of red, yet the glow of the sun seemed to come off of him. He noticed, then, the wet rays that spilled from the clouds of the ocean.

"Steven?" Anthony managed to croak out, a trembling hand reaching up to wipe his tears.

"I'm sorry," he repeated again, voice now audibly shaking, his body mirroring the epitaph that resonated beneath his heavy apology.

Anthony had no reason to ask why, nor did he move. He didn't have to. Steven simply fell onto him, his head in his lap, cries echoing silently into the night. Anthony's hand simply stroked the brown forest in front of him, letting the waves spill onto shore. He did this until the wails had long dissipated into the ears of the night and flew away and soon his eyes seemed to fall into space. But his balloon filled his cavity ever more.

And as morning arrived, he watched as Steven lifted himself from his lap and stepped back from him, bags ever so heavy beneath the jewels of his sea. A hand came up and the end of his palm brushed away sand. "I loved you, too, you know. I loved you so much." And he walked away.

Anthony stared at him as the balloon finally burst in his chest and he thought he'd be able to breathe again. He didn't follow after him. He simply lifted his hand up and reached out as if he could grab him back into his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay, but he already knew what to expect. He simply watched his daily routine of lifting his arm, tracking the light as it cut and shone through his form, dust particles replacing his presence. He had no shadow.

To his left was a little love note and some flowers. Lilies of sorts and some red, white, and black roses.

Another long day; another late night.

Steven, I promise, everything will be alright.

Just keep fighting. I'm always here.

Close your eyes and I'm everywhere but

You have to let go.

You're strong.

And if I never get to say it again,

I love you. -Anthony