The Vampire Covens

Ch. 16 The Journal

Ch. 16

April 12, 1990

          There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I’m somewhere else, anywhere else; far from here. Queen Terralease has informed me that I’m breeding soon. My thoughts are so scrambled with feelings of dread and despair and my heart is heavy from the weight. She doesn’t think of how it would affect any one of us who are forced into this life, but she doesn’t need to. With her power, she doesn’t need to bother herself with people like me.

          I would’ve chosen something with more freedom, maybe something to do with art, but it’s not my place. I’m forced to constantly choke down my opinions and agree to whatever I’m told. I don’t want this life; a breeder? I’m an incubator for the children of the damned. How could I bring a child into this? I would never allow my future children to be subjected to this demented hierarchy.

          I don’t know if I can bring myself to breed with someone I don’t know, how is any of this ok? I don’t have the answers and that frightens me the most… what am I to do?

                                                K.

My eyes are bulging out of my skull as I read my mother’s thoughts and feelings. Her sorrow, fear, and worry seeps into my pores and my breathing hitches, making my chest rise and fall like a stuttering child’s would. The backs of my eyes sting with the familiar warmth of salty tears and I fight against the urge to cry.

 I’ve only ever seen my mother happy and experienced her outrageous sense of humor; I’ve never been intimately close to my mother’s personal feelings and I feel as though I’m intruding. Even though I know there’s a reason Adele handed me the journal and there’s no reason to be anxious and scared, but I feel guilty for prying.

I shouldn’t feel like this… right? She’s my mother, I should want to know more about her, whether it be sad or happy, especially because I don’t have her here with me to tell me these things about herself. I need to know the woman that I’ve loved and cherished all my life, I need to know her story just as much as I need to know my own. Prying into her personal business may be the only way to get the full truth.

I exhale a deep shaky breath and flip through some pages. I make sure to skim the information before I really settle into her words; I want to know her and the secrets she’s held but I don’t want to feel as if I’m invading her privacy. I find a page that mentions more about the breeding plans and Queen Terralease, so I sink in and brush off my nerves as if they were mere irritating flies.

May 2, 1990

          My fears of having my will taken from me have now become a living nightmare. Terra has ordered me to breed officially and with a sick twist. I am to breed with a werewolf? In all of vampire and werewolf history has there been anything more bizarre than the two combining their genes. Besides I don’t believe it’s even possible, mixing our bloodlines with theirs, its two opposing viruses composed from the same disease. How will it work?

I’m scared for my safety, let alone his, I’m sure there’s something between the two species that can harm the other. If not, then wouldn’t probable cause to physically harm me be efficient? I mean my species enslaved theirs, why wouldn’t he take this opportunity to strike back?

My fears and doubts are keeping me awake at night and I feel the weight of exhaustion, but every time I close my eyes I see a burly beast ripping me to shreds. The terror evident in my thoughts as I write, but with all of this I hope to make sense of it one day.