I Love You is a Horrible Thing to Say: A Tale of Two Mates

Chapter 18: Abuse

this chapter is sort of confusing. Sorry. Hopefully some of you will understand it. If not I'm going to try to explain a bit at the bottom about what's going on.

The banister----> this is what I'm talking about!

Chapter 18: Abuse

Alice's POV

I could remember little things. I just couldn't make sense of them. It was small flashes of somethings. Nothing completely specific. But the pain, even as a memory the pain I had experienced now was nothing new. I had felt this hurt, this heart broken before. My head ached and my heart started pounding quicker as I squeezed my eyes shut. Images were playing on the back of my eye lids like a movie. A happy little boy, a gorgeous smile, haunting brown eyes, an angry man, a abused little girl and a scared women. None if it had made sense to me. But the scene that played in my head was a horrible one. It was like a nightmare. I felt like I was looking onto another persons life. I felt like I was intruding. At the same time though I felt as if I had been living it.

I saw a little girl. No older then ten, she had red hair and blue green eyes. She was scared stiff. She was shaking and tears were running down her face. I watched as she was cornered by a man. The man was older then her. Much older and bared a resemblance to her. He had the same red hair and eyes. The man was obviously drunk and was laughing at the little girl. I felt helpless as I watched him kick the girl over and over again. I couldn't do a thing. Never before in my life had I felt so useless. The little girl, though crying she did no utter a sound. She just sat there crying silent tears. But events just started to escalate. The man stopped kicking her and laughing. Instead he knelt down next to her and started to mumble little nothings into her ear. It mad me sick. I could literally feel the my stomach drop and acid rise in my throat. The little girl shivered but said nothing. The guy started touching her. Gracefully brushing his finger tips along her collarbone. The girl started to cry a bit harder now but I could tell she was desperately trying to muffle the sounds.

The man just smiled. It was a cruel heartless smile that made my heart stop beating for one frightful moment. The girl just stared at him, her tears dried up, her eyes filled with no emotion. The man didn't seem to like this and he smack her in the face. Once twice three times then he grabbed her face and forced his lips against hers. The girl finally started to give him the reactions he wanted. She screamed and cried and begged him to stop. But he didn't even hear the girl. He ripped her clothes off and forced her down to the ground. The girl kicked and punched but it only earned her a nothing slap or a hit to the stomach. Soon the girl could no longer fight. The mans touched lingered on every part of her body. The girl just laid there tears flowing freely from her bloodshot eyes. Finally he had all her clothes off. Then, then I watched as he brutally raped her. And it took me only a few moments to realize that little girl was me.

Finally the flashback drifted from my mind and I was back in reality. I was shocked. I had no memory of my life, my childhood growing up was a blank. The only things I had any memory of was from three years ago to now. I had known I had ran away. But before that it is all a blur. I hadn't bothered trying to remember. I didn't care. I just figured that I hadn't remembered for a reason. And now I understood. I was abused as a child and I had repressed those memories. My mind was probably using this amnesia as a copping device. But now as I began to unlock my past I could feel myself losing parts of my self. I remembered being beaten and raped. And those feelings of complete self loathing came back full force. Even in shock I knew the agony I was feeling. My heart hurt so badly. It was sharp pains that spread across my body paralyzing me.

I hadn't realized I was crying till I tasted the salt on my lips. I started to wipe them away in a panic. But when I thought about HIM touching me I felt sick all over.

I began scratching my neck as I remembered the feeling of his harsh, rough fingers brushing along my collarbone to my neck. I felt like I was going to throw up. I spastically stared to scratch more urgently. I could feel pure fear begin to terrorize my body and panic fill my mind. I wanted to forget. I just wanted to forget again. I slowly and hesitantly got up from my crouching position and still itching at my neck I could feel the sticky texture of blood pour from my neck. But I couldn't feel any pain if there even was any.

I had never felt so out of control. I was hazily towards the banister and stared down at the floor below. I looked a bit to my right and saw the stairs not ten feet away from me. As memories began to flow back into my mind and my agony started to build up again I just closed my eyes. I wanted to forget this. I didn't want to feel these emotions. It was like years and years of abuse were again coming back to attack me at one moment. Then I remembered Justin and Leo. I opened my eyes again. I remembered. I wanted to forget. I WANTED TO FORGET!

I took a deep breath and looked down. Justin had a huge house. I thought randomly. There was at least 10 feet from where I was standing from the floor above and the first floor that I was peering down at. I smiled. I would forget. I would. I closed my eyes and slowly leaned over the banister. My stomach was in slight discomfort as it pressed up against the hard metal banister. I finally flung myself past the metal bar. I could feel the wind at my face as I began to fall. It felt like such a long time. But it was peaceful. The wind at was rushing past me as I feel head first. Maybe now I will be at peace. There was a moment of pure agony. The pain over road my systems. Leaving me to scream out in pain. Or I thought I had. I didn't hear anything. Then nothing. I soon drifted off into the void of darkness. I was happy.

Justin's POV:

My whole body hurt. I could feel panic and confusions fill my mind. I quickly realized these were not my feelings. I quickly let go of Colleen and ran to find Skyler. The pain I was feeling intensified. Was she being tortured? I forced my screams down my throat as I ran. When I finally saw her I was speechless. I watched in absolute horror as she began to inch her way closer and closer towards the edge of the banister. I looked down and saw my foyer below. I studied it for a moment. The ground was tile.

My breathing sped up as I began to panic. It was all slow motion after that. I ran to her but everything just seemed to slow, agonizingly slow. She looked at me for a brief moment. But I knew she hadn't seen me. Her face was emotionless. Then things finally began to speed up again as I watched helpless as she threw her self to the floor below. My heart stopped.

What happened:

Alice finally remembers a bit of her past as Skyler. But unlike Skyler who slowly got used to her abuse growing up and became emotionally numb Alice is sort of like a whole mother person. She was used to being on her own but not used to the emotional trauma that she had went through as a child being abused by her father. So in gaining memories Alice/Skyler's body fights the emotional attack and wants to forget. So being in such agony Alice/skyler she goes into overload and wants to forget. And she will do anything to forget. so she throws her self from 10 feet off the ground in hopes of just forgetting.

Don't worry she isn't dead or anything.