Another Move

Chapter Five

- Two days later -

- Hazel’s Point Of View -

I have to put a new video up in two days. Instead of working on it, I went on Twitter. Honestly, I don’t even know how I’m on Twitter for massive amounts of time. Somehow I wandered onto a suicide awarness site. Got it. The topic of my next video? Suicide Awareness. I got off Twitter, took a shower, and set up to record.

“Hi. Today I’m gonna talk about depression.. I know a lot of people who either have been depressed many times or they are depressed. And it’s kind of sad. No, it is sad. I mean, why can’t people just be happy all the time and do what they love?

Well, let me tell you a little about myself. I’ve been depressed a couple times, actually. The first time was when I was thirteen and I hated myself. I mean, nothing’s really changed. I hated myself because my relationship with my parents was getting worse. I had really liked this guy too, and I felt like I was annoying him. I mean, I probably was, who really knows. But anyways, one night, after my mom and I had gotten into a fight, I decided to self harm. I made bracelets, so no one would see them. I cried every night, and no one heard me. Not that I wanted anyone to hear. I didn’t tell anyone how depressed I was. I didn’t really care if anyone cared or not. I was just sad.

That was in probably September or one of those fall months. About a month after that, I watched Damon Fizzy’s Suicidal Thoughts video. I was in a seriously depressing mood when I was on the laptop, and after I was done watching this video I was going to go cut again. But, I didn’t. I cried, and I was strong that night. I didn’t cut.” I stopped, and looked at my right wrist, just to remind myself of how I’ll never do that again. “Then about a year later, I did it again. I cut myself again.” At this point, I had tears silently streaming down my face. “But that was the last time. I’ve been clean ever since. Why? Because I met Ed Sheeran. He changed my fucking life. He gave me a new perspective on life. How, you can go through life, concentrating on the bad things and the sad things in it, and not the good things.” I wiped my eyes.

“Since then, I’ve tried to be positive. Help my friends through a hard time, be there for anyone who needs it, asking if anyone’s okay.” I stopped for a second, remembering something. “I met this girl once. It was at Six Flags. Alexys, Courtney and I were on our way to the Batman ride, when I saw this girl whos face was red and her eyes were all puffy. She was all by herself, too. So I told Alexys and Courtney to go ahead without me. I asked this girl what was wrong, and she just looked up at me. As she did, she moved her arms so that I could see the inside of her arm. What I saw- “ I stopped, taking a deep breath and wiping my eyes again, “Is something I never want to see again. Ever. Her arms, were covered in scars.” I took another breath. “I gave her a hug. And I told her that whatever had caused her to do that to herself, that she was better than that. She hugged me back. I told her she needs to be strong, and that I loved her, and God loves her.” I wiped my eyes yet again. “The next morning I found out that girl had committed suicide.” I paused for a second. “I’ll never forget her. I’ll never forget how broken she looked, how sad she looked, I just, I wish I could have done something more. I want to know why she did it. Why she committed suicide.”

“I feel like bullying needs to be brought up in this video too. By the way, I’m really sorry if you’re bored with it. Just cos you ain’t me don’t mean you gotta hate me. No but seriously, bullying is a serious fucking issue. I’ve never really understood why people bully others. Oh, he’s gay? Oh, she’s a lesbian? WHOOPDIE DOO. That person’s bisexual? Oh yeah they must be horny like 24/7, right? Wrong. Love is fucking love. Some people just can’t get that through their thick heads. Homophobia shouldn’t even be a thing. It’s just being a total and complete asshole. I have multiple friends that like the same sex. WHO THE FUCK CARES. You don’t bully someone because of that.

People bully other people because their parents or boyfriend or girlfriend beat them. Do you think they fucking deserve that? Do you really? No. They don’t. Instead of putting them down you should be helping them. One of mypersonal friends went through fucking hell their teen years and I was the one whom she trusted enough to talk to. And it just fucking hurts me that there are people out there who could care less about people like that. I had another friend who was made fun of by a girl in her school for cutting. The girl doing the bullying knew what my friend had went through. Well that just isn’t fucking okay.

I’m rambling. My point is, the bullying needs to stop. Soon. People die because they’re bullied.

“I hear about people cutting, starving themselves, fucking burning themselves, attempting suicide, committing suicide and all that stuff basically everyday. And it’s horrible. Like, why are there so many fucking people who do that? If it doesn’t sadden you whatsoever, then you physically are not human. There needs to be something done about this. If you’re depressed or thinking about ending your life, here’s some links- “ I’ll put annotations to those later. “These people are here for you. They love you. I love you. I don’t want you to die. I’m here for you. And if you’re one of those people who hide how sad you are, you just say “I’m fine.” or something like that, I’m going to challenge you to talk to them. I want you to find someone to talk to. They can help you. They don’t want you to leave them. I mean, fuck, your best friend could go home and cry every night, and you wouldn’t even know it. If you’re one of those people who aren’t depressed, then you ask every single one of your friends if they are okay. I’ve always said I want to make a difference. Well, this is how I want to make a difference. Kay? Okay. I’ll talk to you guys later. I love you.” And I stopped recording. Immediately I uploaded it. No editing needed.